The Pondering Pisces

Push him off the ledge already

2012-02-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

I drive the same road home everyday.  Everyday for the past month or so I get stopped at the same stoplight and have to stare at the same billboard. Everyday I stare at this billboard and I think to myself: "Self, when is it ok to push a man off a ledge?" Then I giggle to myself, watch the light turn from red to green, push on the gas and forget all about it.

Today, I keep thinking about it.

When is it ok to push a man off a ledge? The obvious answer of course is, if he asked me to. Right? We've all had that suicidal friend, the one who constantly talks about killing oneself? Would I help that friend by pushing them off a ledge? Eh, probably not. I happen to think suicide is a selfish act and am not going to help you in that.  More than likely I'm going to call you a sissy and punch you in the neck. Hard.

I'm sure by now, I've made zero sense and your continuing to read this thinking to yourself: "Self, where the hell is she going with this?".

This billboard I pass everyday is for that new movie "Man on a Ledge". It is my personal opinion, but I happen to think that everyone in, on or around the area of Hollywood is a complete retard. Who creates a tag line for a movie "You can only push an innocent man so far". Uh, hello. The message here is I can push him off a ledge. That's what I'm getting from your billboard. Not the message you wanted to get across? Maybe, you should have thought this one out a bit more.

I haven't seen the movie, nor do I plan to.  Based on the billboard I feel confident saying that I know how it will end. The pretty girl will prove the innocent man on the ledge is really innocent and everyone will live happily ever after. Yeah! Another win for Hollywood! Blech.

Fingers crossed, I hope they change this billboard soon. I'm tired of thinking about pushing an innocent man off a ledge. Not tired of laughing at it yet though.

I apologize for this post, it makes no sense and is so random, but has been on my mind a lot and I'm hoping that by getting it out here will make it leave my head. Kinda like when you have a bad dream and then you talk about it and then the bad dream is gone.

I love a good challenge

2012-02-01T05:00:00.000-08:00

You might notice I've got a new little decoration on my blog! I've bitten the bullet and signed up for the A to Z Blog Challenge!

This is scaring me a little, but I really enjoy writing & posting stuff here and wish I would get off my ass and do it with some more consistency. This is exactly the "push" I need.

Content won't change much, but I am excited to post some new stuff that I've been pondering and see what kind of reaction it gets! I'll do a couple of "tests" on some subjects that aren't the norm, just to see what you all think.

I hope you continue to stick with me and if anyone has any ideas that you'd like to get my thoughts on, I'd love to hear them!

Wish me luck!

Jenn

Parents parenting Parents

2012-01-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

I took my two small children and a friend of theirs on a nature walk this weekend. While the friend said his mom approved an outing with me, I stopped by to double check. Not that this kid lies and I need to double check, but because his mother is the smothering sort and I would have hated my walk to be disrupted by the police tackling my ass to the ground cause she thought I'd kidnapped her little shit.

No police necessary this time, She actually wanted to join us. Awesome.

I generally get along with everyone and even if I don't, I can fake it enough to make you think we are the bestest of buddies. I fake with this woman on a daily basis.  Don't judge, it's just easier this way. Trust me.

We set off on our walk, which is relatively flat with one steep hill thrown in for fun.  By now we are all aware that LB # 1 has a heart condition and is working with just one artery. This isn't something I keep from parents she might come in contact with. If you are going to be alone with my child you will and have gotten the "if it looks like a heart attack, it is" speech from me.

LB # 1 and I are in the rear of the pack, walking at her pace. I don't push her to walk faster, she dictates what she can do and I'm fine with that. It actually works well for us, I tend to hear more about what is going on in her little head when we lag behind (it's amazing how similar her little brains workings are to mine)..

Every once in a while She would yell back at us to hurry up and we would ignore her and continue our walk/talk.

We catch up when we get to the hill. I've got both working arteries in my heart and this hill makes me feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. LB # 1 takes it real slow, with lots of stops on the way up. Now, we could skip this part all together, but it's important to exercise her heart muscle and keep it strong (this is approved by her cardiologist), (one of them anyway, the other would rather she not even walk, whatever).

She couldn't keep her trap shut as we hiked our way to the top. The entire time LB # 1 and I struggled to the top, She hollered back down to us to hurry up, She could run to the top, She's seen LB go faster than this (I don't doubt this info, LB is quite competitive and if pushed will go above what is comfortable for her inner workings), general nonsense spewing from her mouth.

We make it to the top and once I caught my breath I politely asked her to shut her face. We were going at a pace that worked for us and if this is how she pushes LB # 1 when She takes her on walks, that was going to stop. I've given her instructions on what is acceptable for LB # 1 and if she can't follow those simple rules then all play dates would could to an end. She got this look on her face like I'd grown two heads. How dare I parent my child and dictate what could and would happen! She knows so much better than I what is appropriate exercise for a child like mine. She is a yoga instructor, She knows all. (Seriously, she really used this as a point).

At this point, smoke is starting to come out of my ears and I decide to break off from our joint nature walk. I couldn't believe the nerve of Her. I've been known to parent anothers kid, but little stuff, like, don't throw sand. My kid could have a catastrophic event happen if pushed too hard and yet you still disregard my rules? What is wrong with you?  Ignorance is the conclusion I've come to.

In the end, my Little Bits & I had an enjoyable walk. The other mother and I have yet to come into contact. It's inevitable that it will happen, and when it does, I've got a handful of printed documents to shove in her face regarding LB # 1's medical condition.

Take that, yoga instructor.

Chivalry is Dead

2012-01-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

My car broke down in the middle of me turning left at a 4-way stop on my way home from work yesterday. Luckily I was able to coast through the remainder of my turn and get to the shoulder. This wasn't the first time and lord knows with 200K miles it won't be the last time.

I was surprised by the lack of compassion I was shown by my fellow commuters. The woman turning left behind me damn near took my bumper off as I inched my way to the shoulder. She so did not stop at that stop sign either. I feel pretty good about karma eventually coming back to bite her in the ass.

I have an amazing insurance agent, Lynette, who kindly gave me the number of a tow company. Called 'em up and stumbled a bit as he asked me if I was on the North or South side...uh...my response...the freeway is on my left, which direction is that? If you've spent any time in sunny CA you know that none of our roads go a perfect North, South, East, West direction. I feel pretty confident when I say that nobody knows exactly which direction they are facing at any given time. Unless, of course, they are not a CA native and come from somewhere in the middle of the country, like The Hubs for instance, who tends to lick his finger, point it up in the air, and say things like "We are headed due North". Point is, tow truck guy responded in a manner that made me feel comfortable in the knowledge that he would find me.

I waited, and waited, all the while getting bombarded while honks, hollers and general displeasure from my fellow asshole commuters. Hey, jackasses, I didn't choose this unfortunate spot to breakdown. At one point, an older ~~serial killer~~ man in a black SUV pulls up right behind me, mind you now he's blocking one direction of traffic, gets out of his car, opens the back passenger door, rummages around for what I'm pretty sure was some rope & a shovel, closes the door after not bringing anything up from the back and gets back in and drives away. I'm glad he didn't shovel me over the head, but WTF? Pull up right behind me and then don't even come up to my window and ask if I need help. I know in this day & age even babies have cell phones, but come on, what if I was of the .01% that didn't? One person, ONE, out of the hundreds that drove by me yesterday asked if I was ok or if I needed anything. Something good will happen to him, I'm sure of it.

I did get to witness an amazing breakup while I waited though, that was fun. Gal driving a BMW, her little (really, he was quite small for a man) boyfriend jumps out of the moving car, rolls to the side and proceeds to cry on the side of the road. She made a good attempt to get him back in the car, but whatever she said upset him too much. Those tears were real y'all. I thought maybe he was going to come hit me up for a ride, but noticed I was laughing as I stared, sympathy he would not get. He choose to walk

My tow eventually showed up, two guys who's combined age was 300, tow trucks are not little and while these two appeared to have all their wits about them, I buckled up and held on to the "oh shit" handle cause surely we weren't going to make it. I spent the better part of the drive home pointing the tow truck back to our side of the two lane road. The sidekick of the driver was a chatty fellow and he did a great job of keeping me turned around & talking to him. Was it a ploy to keep my eyes off the lack of driving skills by truck driver, yes, but that's ok. They got me to the mechanic in one piece and are going to bill my agent directly. Plus for me, cause I'm sure mechanic is not going to be cheap.

How about you? Got any roadside horror stories to share? Shoot, I want to hear about the non-horror as well. Has a stranger shown you some roadside kindness?

My love affair with Jason Ritter

2012-01-24T15:32:00.000-08:00

I have a deep, kinda un-natural love for Jason Ritter. It feels so dirty. I really enjoyed watching his Dad, the late John Ritter, on tv and now, this. I don't even have to really enjoy whatever my lover Jason is in and I'm going to stop and watch.

Sigh.

Take for instance the movie Good Dick. What a twisted movie, I can't even say I really liked it, but I watched the whole thing. I vaguely remember it was about a girl addicted to porn, who goes to the movie rental place everyday, and Jason Ritter is there and develops a crush. The rest of the movie is her doing a lot of self serving while he kinda hangs back and falls in love. I think it had a somewhat happy ending, but I really don't care, cause Jason is just so ~~lickable~~ likeable.

Last year, The Hubs and I got sucked into The Event. This show was just so much. It was like the X-Files got together with Buffy and 24 and made this weird, creepy baby. But, without the baby, and add aliens and add lots of political backstabbing drama. And Jason Ritter. I might have shed a few tears and screamed at the tv when this got cancelled. Then I might have cyber stalked Jason and watched every behind the scene thing I could find. Mind you, I said might have. I confess to nothing.

I got really excited a couple of weeks ago when The Hubs and I were actually watching a live show and I had to sit through a commercial, and Jason's beautiful face graced my screen. The Hubs being the gentleman that he is asked if he needed to rewind so I could get another glimpse. Pfftttt. It's not like I have a real problem here. No Yes, but I had him set up a series recording for this new show that was offering up my lover on a platter.

So, last week, The Hubs & I sit down to watch this show Parenthood. And there he is, back on my tv, making me smile even when it's not appropriate. And, yes, The Hubs called me on it every time, but I just couldn't help it. His smiling face was looking at me and oh, that voice. The show was really terrible and just another "family drama", and I don't like to admit to watching it, but I can't help it. What I didn't realize is that my dear Jason isn't a full time cast member. I watched another episode and while he was mentioned he never graced my screen. Totally unsatisfactory Parenthood. I might be able to forgive, but o-m-g. That show is really quite painful to watch. I'd like to say I'm not going to watch it again, but as long as they tease me with my loverboy, I'll be there, fast forwarding until I see his smiling face.

Hell to the O. I LUV him.

I assure you, I had a clear and concise ending to this, but he's looking right at me and the only thing that comes to mind is: JASON RITTER I HEART YOU.

The End.

I spy a picinic basket...or an uzi?

2012-01-16T14:53:00.000-08:00

This past weekend The Hubs and I ventured outside to visit one of California's hiking trails. It's not far from our house and is easy enough for the Little Bits.

We park our car in the gravel lot and wonder over to the $3 fee collecting machine. Two different $5 bills and a wad of singles and we are still without the required permit. I'm hunting through the bottom of my purse for quarters when a couple parked next to us handed me their permit. I like free, and also like to see my fellow man "pay it forward". Good thing they were nice, cause on our way back to the car we ran into the Park Rangers giving tickets to those with no parking permit.

Remember the day when your State Park Rangers reminded you of Ranger Smith? Kinda goofy looking, wore a bunch of green, not one you'd perceive as threatening.

Where'd the picinic basket go?

I don't know when it happened and despite all my efforts searching the internet, something has happened to the CA Park Rangers. Gone are the days of Ranger Smith la-di-dahing around the parks. Ranger Smith has been replaced with this guy.

Pay the parking fee or I will shoot you with my big ass gun.

WTF? Since when do Park Rangers dress like they are going out for combat? Are the cows on this trail really that big a threat (please say no, cause I don't know if I can still run that fast). Are our state parks really the venue for this type of attire? I think not.

The two Park Rangers we had our run in with were dressed exactly like that, with the exception of the head gear. Those two wannabe SWAT members were canvassing the parking lot, writing tickets to those with no permit. As they were near our car, The Hubs casually mentioned that the meter was acting up and not taking dollar bills. This Ranger completely flipped his lid, and started yelling at us about how everyone else here had a permit so it obviously was working. We are still walking towards our car at this point with SWAT/Ranger trailing us, The Hubs calmly pointing out that maybe he should see if the machine is full of quarters or dollars. This guy didn't want to hear any of it, continuing to yell as he followed us to our car. We get to the car, The Hubs and I are still reacting in a calm manner (the temptation to turn around and lose my shit on this guy was quite high), I open the car door, reach in and grab our permit (which the nice people gave me) and hand it to psycho SWAT/Ranger. He takes it, looks at it, and turns and walks away.

When, did the Park Rangers become such dicks? I know he was itching to write us a ticket. Who else would mention the faulty machine if not for the people who didn't pay the fee (and yes, I know I didn't pay it, but he didn't know that). Have the Park Rangers become a target in this state? I did another quick search and the last time I see a Park Ranger being killed on the job was in 1973. I'm not sure what brought about this change in our Parks Department, but plan on e-mailing and asking the question. We'll see if I get a response.

Jenn

Pictures of You, Pictures of Me

2012-01-13T00:30:00.000-08:00

When Jen of Jen on the Edge issued a challenge to post pictures of ourselves, I really thought it was going to be a piece of cake. I’m not one to shy away from the camera. I don’t seek it out (ok sometimes I do), but for the most part it doesn’t bother me having my picture taken. Once I started looking though, there’s a lot I’m either not willing to share or just not as many pictures of me as I thought. My goal was to post pics from the holidays, but as I was on vacation for 2 weeks I didn’t get the camera out (who am I kidding, I lived in jammies for 2 weeks).

I've been working hard as the parent to two little girl bits to never put myself down. I want them to see themselves as beautiful little people. I want them to see me see myself as beautiful and in that mind frame, all of the below photos are of me being beautiful.

Little Bit # 1 took this picture of me one evening after work. I am a big fan of my eyebrows and crooked smile, always felt my crooked smile gave my face some character. I've only recently started wearing a tinted sunscreen & mascara, I've never been one to see myself as needing makeup and hope to encourage that in my small children.

The Hubs took this one of me while we were hiking in Squaw Valley. My sister keeps bugging me to put this one in a frame, I don't put photos in a frame. Hint to my sisters, you can frame this for me and give to me for my birthday. Ooh, or frame and give to mom, I'm sure there'd be some serious brownie points if you did that.

I really love this photo. Somebody took this at Thanksgiving this year and despite the fact that I'm surrounded by family, I think I look pretty relaxed (definitely could be the champagne, but I won't tell if you don't).

Whew, did it! How about the rest of you? Brave enough to post picutres of yourself? Do you have a picture of yourself that you absolutely love? Want to share it with me? Send me an e-mail, I'd love to see them!

Jenn

Crazy Cat Lady or Not

2012-01-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

I think I’ve made it pretty clear, at least to those around me, that I’m not exactly a “pet” person. I don’t hate animals, but given a choice I will steer clear of them, and would prefer you not bring them close to me. Unless you have a cute little baby animal, then I’m putty in their tiny little pink paws (but not baby farm animals, they are not cute or little). But, one day that cute little baby ball of fluff is going to grow up and I’m not going to want to have anything to do with it.

That said, I am a pet owner. The Hubs, one day long, long ago brought me home two baby kittens. Obviously in our early dating days I was hiding the fact that I don’t like animals from him and he took that to mean that I LUV them. I may not like them, but I am a responsible pet owner, and continue to feed them.

Recently, the Little Bits & The Hubs got hooked on watching My Cat From Hell. You ever seen it? Holy hell, it’s hilarious. I watched an episode with them this weekend, and while my cats are a bit crotchety (I can walk around them without fear of being mauled, no claws on those b*tches). Anyway, this guy (Jackson Galaxy) shows up at your house and works miracles with your crazy cats. I didn’t think it was possible to laugh that hard while still learning.

I learned, oh yes I did. I might not go out of my way to love on my two clawless psycho kitties, but as I am a responsible pet owner, I’d rather they not be downright unhappy living with me. The Hubs and I set to work on building the kitties some happy.

Did you know that cats are classified into two categories (I didn’t either). Bush dwellers (I snort laughed too) and tree dwellers. Those are pretty self explanatory, some cats like to live low on the ground in the bushes, some like to live in trees. When we moved we got rid of our cat climbing thing, it was destroyed and gross looking, we never replaced it. The Hubs and I talked, maybe Sixxie & Seven are so cranky cause we took their tree away?

The Hubs ran to Home Depot, I sat on the couch and read, and when he returned I grumbled about having to walk down the 3 flights of stairs to help build this stupid cat thing. I eventually went and helped (mainly I just handed him things). At one point he realized he needed longer screws and left me in the garage with some pvc pipe & cement and instructions. I’ve never worked with pvc cement before, craps messy. I dropped the brush on the ground and came back up with every leaf and dirt particle stuck to it, just dropped it back in the jar (won’t he be surprised!).

Back to the point though, The Hubs & I built our kitties a new tree to climb on. Brought it upstairs, got it all situated and called the cats over. Then went and grabbed the cats cause they don’t come when called. The Hubs placed Sixxie up there and you’d thought we were declawing her again while she was awake. Howling like one of those psycho cats Jackson helps.

Almost finished, but if you were a cat wouldn't you want to climb to the top of this thing?

Turns out maybe my cats are bush dwellers, they haven’t come out from under the bed since we’ve carried it upstairs.

Christmas Mishaps (aka Why Santa won't get high this year)

2011-12-24T11:03:00.000-08:00

It has become a tradition of sorts, every year all the family gets together, eats too much, drinks too much, too much of everything. All of this snuck up on me a bit, was I just being tolerant of the Eve of Excess?

The first year it didn't happen to me. Nope, I had a LB #2 still firmly attached to the mom juice and was not drinking at all. LB # 1 was almost 4 and was chomping at the bit to go walk around the neighborhood to look at all the Xmas lights on the houses.  I was not one to deny her this simple pleasure, we all bundled up and headed out the door. My Mother, in all her Christmas glory came stumbling along after us. Really, as I look back now, I should have noticed the way she hung on the door jamb as she passed by it to join us on the sidewalk. We made it about 20 feet with my Mother singing carols in the rear when there was a loud thump and then a wail.  My Mother fell off the sidewalk. That 6" curb was too much for her and she twisted her ankle.  We had to carry her back to the house. I don't know if you've ever had the simple pleasure of carrying your drunk ass mother (singing Joy to the World) on Christmas Eve, it's something I wish I could say I haven't done. We ended up having to get Mother propped up, iced down and situated. By the time we managed all that, LB # 1 had fallen asleep on the floor and the interest for twinkling lights had vanished from everyone's mind.

Fast forward a couple years, the memory of my Mother has been erased and replaced with all things shiny and new. Christmas Eve this year will be held at my Aunt's house.  My Aunt has been talking for quite some time about the present she is giving us all this year. Homemade pineapple rum.  Homemade pineapple rum is something else.  Very smooth, without the sickly sweetness of commercially made pineapple rums. Of course she is too excited to wait for Christmas morning, she busts it out that night. And, of course she busts out her double bubbles. Double bubbles are from Satan, and even as I type this I'm having to fight the dry heaves.  DB's are these cute, little hourglass shaped shot glasses. You put your "chaser" on the bottom & your booze on the top. In our case, pineapple juice on the bottom & pineapple rum on the top. I didn't know what hit me. A bazillion DB's later, I had to go home & prep my meat.

See, I was hosting Xmas dinner and had this big, beautiful beef tenderloin sitting in my fridge waiting for me. I had to make a garlic, horseradish, rosemary paste to marinate the meat in before roasting. I have no recollection of how I got home, or into bed or if Santa laid how her gifts for the small children. I woke up Christmas morning, in a complete panic, sweating profusely from every pore (and yes it smelled tropically), my ears straining to hear something. Anything sound to tell me that I had somehow managed to pull off the duties required of me. I manged to control my breathing, slow my heart rate and walk towards the front of the house. Everyone was awake and keeping the young ones quiet, the stockings were stuffed, Santa had placed her gifts lovingly around the tree. I looked at my sister with a question in my eyes as I shuffled towards the fridge.  She bursts out laughing as I open the fridge and see the most beautiful piece of meat smeared and wrapped expertly in a horseradish paste. I look towards my sister again and ask on simple question...How?  She says I walked through the front door, started barking out orders to chop this, go get that and got it all done before I gave into the rum induced sleep.

Would you, after these little tidbits, swear to behave the next year?  I know, not me either.

The very next year was a relatively quiet Christmas.  It was just my sisters hanging at my house, the little bits were all tucked in their beds. Someone got the bright idea to make Washington apples.  Washington apples are these delicious little drinks of Crown, cranberry juice & apple pucker.  They are one of those drinks that I like to think I can handle. And, I was. Handling them just fine. Playing & winning at dominoes, the night was going great. Until my sister invited me to go out front.  This sister is known for her weed/pot/grass, whatever you want to call it, she's got it. I should have said, no, I'll wait right here for you, not look at your bones, and go make myself another drink.

But, silly, silly me follows her out the front door. I've got a great buzz on and my sister & I are all giggly out front as she pulls out the fatest joint I've ever seen. Seriously it was like a big, sticky, green Christmas wreath. Couple puffs later I walk back in the house and go sit on my couch, and slowly sink into a coma.  I'm sure you've all had a moment where you are aware of absolutely everything going on around you, but you can't respond in anyway.  That's the kind of coma I was in. I was aware of my Hubs coming over to check on me and I really want to grin at him and tell him I was goooooood, but my lips wouldn't work. My sister came over, sat down next to me and was talking to me. The appropriate response would have been to laugh at her, but nothing in my body was in my control.  My other sister came over and started asking me questions about where Santa had hidden her gifts. In my mind I was telling her where she had put things, but again, nothing was coming out.  And obviously her & I need to work on our sister telepathy.  I was finally able to use my legs and I got my feet to carry me off to bed. At this point, Santa still hadn't been able to reveal her hiding spots, but luckily for me, my body was finally starting to function a bit and I was able to grunt. My sister tucked me into bed and asked me if I wanted to be woken up in half an hour. I grunted my response which she took as a yes. I didn't need that half hour. About 15 minutes later the fog had cleared and I came out of my coma. Santa for the second year in a row, rallied and made some magic happen.

Tonight, no rallying will be necessary.  I am home, just my Hubs & little bits to entertain me. I'm sure the night will be full of movie watching & cookie eating.  There is one bottle of champagne in the fridge, but it's a cheap bottle, so I feel pretty good about my chances of being able to not drink the whole thing myself. Santa will prevail this year, that is of course, if I can get the little bits into bed & asleep. They are both pretty hopped up on Christmas Eve right now.

Merry Christmas!

Off the wagon & onto the couch

2011-11-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

I got home from work last night, the Hubs looked at me and said, "You want me to go start up CardioX for you"?

No.

I've been fighting a cold all week and really feel like I'm winning, but there was nothing left for me to give after working all day (hey, sitting at a desk is exhausting). I feel like a bit of a slacker, but then I sit on the couch, blow my nose for the 100th time that day and start watching reruns of Bones (why has nobody told me about this show? I freaking love it!) and find I don't care so much.

Will I start back up with it on Monday? Sure, I've got some really cute clothes that I'd like to fit back into. I've been able to stay away from all the Halloween candy (it helps that I only like dark chocolate and most don't give extra dark Lindt balls to the little kiddies). I guess I haven't fallen off the wagon as bad as I thought!

There it is, my weekly P90X update/confessional. Next week, game on.

Taking back control (getting over my "mom guilt")

2011-11-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

LB # 1 will be 10 this year. A whole decade. She has informed me that she wants a BIG party this year. I feel I must comply as she has NEVER had a birthday party. Now, I'm not saying she hasn't had the cake and the ice cream and all the special treatment one deserves on her special day. She has gotten that and more. She has never had a party with friends. Classmates, buddies, nope not a one. She's let me get off pretty easy, but not this year. This year, she wants everyone who's ever known her to come & celebrate her day.

Now, as I have never given her such a day I have agreed to this BIG party. It's November, I can totally get something planned & invitations out and be on top of it this year. Riggggghhhhtttt. I have been searching for something, anything to do for this BIG party that I can afford. I'm coming up empty. The cheapest "party package" for something in our area is $200. TWO HUNDRED. I am not paying $200 for a 10 year olds birthday party.

I know what you're thinking. Do something at home. Not a chance, we live in a place that totals 1,000 sq. ft. The four of us that live there practically sit on each other. I'm not going to throw a handful of kids in there with us. Chances are they'd get all wild & crazy and one of 'em would take a leap off the balcony. Not my idea of a great time.

So, I've been kinda sitting on this, and when LB # 1 asks me about it I tell her I'm still looking, blah, blah, blah. Feeling a little guilty, cause really, the kids gonna be 10 and I've never given her a typical kid party. What kind of parent am I (a super smart one, obviously, have you seen some of these parties)?

The other night though, my super genius mom brain finally kicked in and I had an epiphany. Oh yes I did.

LB # 1 and I were sitting on the couch, lovingly gazing into each others eyes, when I said, "Hey, what if, for your BIG birthday this year, we invite your very bestest buddy over for a slumber party?" "We could get pizza for dinner and rent movies and since its New Years Eve I'll even get some fireworks to shoot off, what do you think of that"? LB # 1's eyes got real big, she mulled it over for about 1.5 seconds and then agreed that Yes! That sounds like a great idea Mom!

Now, I realize that it is New Years Eve, her bestest buddy might be going on vacation, or something, but come on, if you are given the opportunity to not have to find a babysitter on New Years Eve aren't you going jump all over that? I know I would. Fingers crossed that her mom leaps at my offer and this will be the best BIG party ever and I won't have to do it again...at least for another decade anyway.

I can't feel my legs.

2011-10-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

Holy goodness gracious. Yep, that's how I feel today.

I've been kicking some serious butt with that whole P90X thing. Well, kinda serious I suppose. I didn't do any this weekend cause I was busy drinking (visiting w/family, but those two items hold hands & skip down the sidewalk like besties).

But, other than that, I have been faithful to Tony Horton and myself. And, I am so tired. Each step I take is carefully thought out. Do I really need to use the restroom or can I sit here a little while longer? Anything to avoid movement.  I don't feel sore, I just feel tired.  Tonight's dinner will involve some sort of red meat & carbs, I think that will perk me back up.

I finally bit the bullet and took my "before" pictures. What a shock that was!  I have this idea of what I look like, but to see myself on film was a bit scary.  I'll post those never. I haven't lost any weight yet, but have noticed that my pants are fitting better, so I'm ok with that.  I'm good with a tone job for now!

I've also been tossing the idea around in my head of starting another blog. I know, right? I already have this one that I don't consistently post at and I'm thinking of something else. The thing is, I have other ideas that I want to get out and this isn't the appropriate place.

Jenn

Cemetery Lovin'

2011-10-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember my Grandma has been researching our family history. She's created quite the library (she has an entire room filled to the ceiling with binders) of information, and has given me a binder filled with family history and when able, photos. The funniest part of this binder...she's filled in my birthday incorrectly. She's only a day off and I really don't have the heart to tell her. The other fun part of this binder is that some of the photos I was able to help provide.

When I was 14 my Grandma included me on a huge road trip, we went from sunny California to sweaty Missouri (I am not built for humidity). The point of this road trip was to document family history. This included visiting with 3rd cousins twice removed type family members, and also traipsing through cemeteries. We were looking for headstones to photograph to add to Grandma's family binders. I loved it. The older the cemetery the better. I was thrilled to see crumbling headstones and weeds everywhere. It was one heck of a scavenger hunt, and I love looking back at some of the photos we took, me with a huge smile on my face pointing to the grave that I found.

If you'll remember, a few weeks ago (9/25ish) my Hubs was concerned about our safety and we took a long weekend and retreated to the hills. Well, we might be hunkering down, but since we pulled the kids out of school for two days I felt we needed to find something educational to do. Something everyone would enjoy.

We took them to Virginia City, Nevada. Virginia City is an old (1859) mining town and they have a great (this doesn't seem like the appropriate word to describe a cemetery, but it really is) cemetery. It's old, sections of it are really run down, and at times the pathway becomes unclear and I think it's great fun to think of a hand reaching up through the dirt & grabbing my ankle because I'm standing where I shouldn't be. (Obvious why my children love walking through cemeteries with me)!

I did make an attempt at keeping it somewhat educational for them, I really did. Walking through this cemetery really gets them thinking. We stumbled upon a family grave site, but it was a family of children, three of them. Only one was given a name. The other two only said "Infant", I loved getting my kids involved in the "how comes". LB #1 was way into it, asking tons of questions, why, why, why was a common word on our stroll.

March 9th, so close!

We found it fun to try and find headstones with dates that matched a date we could relate to. I had expected with as popular as that cemetery was we would have found one, but nope, came close a couple of times, but nothing.

It made me happy to see that some of the headstones that were made out of wood are being re-done by a group of volunteer firefighters. I only hope that they plan on continuing this as they re-did it in wood and with the harsh weather conditions Virgina City sees, its not going to last.

It was fun. I'm glad the Hubs was freaked out over the whole "end of the world" thing. It made for a great source of easy teasing on my part, got us away from things for an enjoyable weekend and I got to share my love of cemeteries with my girls.

How about you? Ever gone on a cemetery hunt?

Jenn

Hello, My Name is Jenn...

2011-10-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

And I'm an angry exerciser.

Whew, feels good to get that off my chest!

I'm doing what I'm known to do and support my Hubs on his newest ~~obsession~~ fascination. The world didn't end in September, so he's moved on to a more stress-free hobby. He was given some P90X exercise videos awhile ago and never really did anything with them.

That's all changed now. He has gotten himself a "coach" and is now being held accountable to lose some weight. Me, being the supportive wife that I am, know that he will NOT stick with this if I don't do it with him.

So, yes, I've signed on. And I want to die, and throw up and then die all over again. The videos aren't necessarily hard, the range of motion and exercises you do are relatively easy. We can all do squats, right? Right, I can do about 10 and then I'm done. Oh, no, no. P90X, you do like a billion squats, all different shapes and sizes and then you take a 30 second break and do them all over AGAIN.

I made it through the entire 58 minutes tonight and will probably need someone to carry me down the 3 flights of stairs I have to climb to get to my car in the morning, but, I did it. I was not a happy camper while doing it. Not even a little. The Hubs likes to cheer me on, give encouragement while I squat my ass off. I don't like that. It makes me angry, makes me say mean things to him. I quoted Aunt Becky at one particularly nasty moment when I told him to "Shut his whore mouth". I didn't mean it, and I know the poor guy was just trying to be supportive, but I'd rather he not talk to me at all.

What does this mean for you (and for me)? Well, I'd like to buy new pants and I refuse to buy a larger size, so I'm going to check in with you guys here and vent, maybe post a few pics of me curled in the fetal position crying for my mommy. If I am held accountable (even if its just to us here) I'll be more likely to stick with it and that means that the Hubs will have to stick with it and I'd really like him to lose some weight.

And, no, this isn't going to become a blog just about me squatting, I have other stuff in store for you!

Until then,

Jenn

Missiles & Cookies

2011-09-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

The Hubs has left me home alone today, college football, sports bar, etc...the small children are downstairs playing with a neighbor boy. I'm up here, all alone, by myself, nothing but my own self to keep me entertained. I don't know about where you live, but it is very windy out today.

I've got a patio umbrella covering my screen door, helps keep me cool. When its this windy the Hubs will usually go take it down for me. He forgot to take it down before he left. I've been piddling in the kitchen, made a pasta salad and next plan on baking up some cookies. I can see the umbrella from the kitchen, and its really taking a beating. The shade part is coming off of the arms. I've got to go take care of this umbrella.

Bad idea, very bad, very bad idea.

I have to stand on the umbrella stand to take it down, I'm not tall enough to reach the pin to let the arm slide down collapse. There I was, standing precariously on the edge of the stand, my right arm cranking away, my left holding on to the pole to keep from falling over. I've got to get up on my tippy toes and reach to help slide the arm down, its getting stuck. The sun gets in my eyes and I let go of the pole for a second to wipe the tears from my eyes.

Tears gone I climb back up on the stand, hands raised, ready to get this umbrella put away, when I notice I'm not alone. There are 3, THREE, spiders (they are the really creepy kinda cream & brown colored ones) hanging on to the pole I was just touching. I have disturbed them and they are pissed. One of the largish spiders makes a leap for it, he's attempting to swan dive off the pole and onto the umbrella. You remember I said it was windy? What happens to a spider when he leaps INTO the wind? Yeah, he doesn't make it. He does however pull a spider man move and shoots some web out of his butt and is now flapping around in the wind. I'm standing in his flight path.

I manage to jump back to the far corner of our patio and the sun is shining just right where I can see Mr. Creepy still attempting to suck in some butt web and make it back to the umbrella. Now, had he made movement towards the ground I probably could have handled that better. But, what does one do with a spider that is flapping around in the wind? You grab the only weapon available. In my case it was a bbq brush.

My weapon of choice (only choice)

I stood my ground for a few moments, attempting to collect myself and get my heart rate back under 300. In my haste looking for a weapon I took off my eyes off of Mr. Creepy. Weapon in hand, I don't know where he is. I'm on my patio, trapped, screen door is a good 10 feet away and I have to turn a corner and come within 2 feet of the umbrella to get back inside. There I am, bbq brush raised in front of me, kneeling down and trying to get a glimpse of him in the suns rays. I don't see him, but I can see that string of web, its blowing all over the place and I'm frozen in place.

I eventually manage to suck it up and start thrashing my weapon in front of me, I'd just watched Man, Woman, Wild and I felt pretty comfortable with my machete skills. I make a run for it, and manage to make it to safety without getting anything (spiders or web) on me.

Ooops. Ignore the dead plant, it chose its fate.

I have since texted my Husband and let him know that, its very windy, our umbrella is covered in spiders and that in my feeble attempt at taking the thing down I turned it into a missile and have broken the glass cover to our porch light. He doesn't seem to happy with me and keeps telling me to "just go take it down". Not gonna happen big guy, not gonna happen.

As far as I got, and yes, I stood inside & took this picture, I'm not going out there.

Relief

2011-09-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

It's been mentioned here once or twice that I've been feeling a bit stressed out and not having much success at taming that beast. I have been making efforts to improve myself and results have been kinda "eh". My poor Hubs has really been putting up with a lot. I gotta give that poor guy some credit, I have just been horrible to live with lately.

I normally keep my facebook page open, I like to have that little bit of distraction throughout my day. The Hubs will sometimes send me an instant message. I got one from him today that just about did me in:

Your cat just puked on the floor. Tell "the man" you need to come home & comfort her.

Holy Moly, it was exactly what I needed to hear. My mood instantly improved! All that crap I've been carrying around with me left and I just laughed, and laughed, and laughed and then I snorted a bit and laughed some more.

Everything will be all right. The Hubs can still make me laugh when nothing around me seems funny.

Jenn

The Fixer

2011-09-14T00:30:00.000-07:00

When I was 16 I had a part time job and missed out on some family vacations. I wasn't too hurt over this as I hated camping (still do). My younger sisters were still at an age that they were required to go visit with our Dad. He had them every other weekend, and lucky me, I was old enough to say "no thanks". On this particular weekend my two younger sisters went off with Dad, I stayed home to work and my Mom went on a camping trip. On Saturday afternoon the phone rings, and I answer not knowing that this phone call will forever change my life.

I answer assuming its my crappy part time job requesting I come in early. It's not. Child Protective Services is on the line asking for my mother. My mother who is camping in the middle of nowhere in a time when cell phones weren't the "norm". The woman on the line informs me that my sisters are fine, but have been taken into custody and that she needs to speak to my mother. I am barely breathing at this point, but manage to take down all pertinent information.

I start on a mad dash to track down my mom. I know where they are staying and start calling the ranger station in a quest to find someone to drive down there and get my mom back to a phone line. I eventually get her on the line, and I know that time was standing still & at the same time moving at the speed of light, so it could have been hours or minutes, I'm really not sure. I called in sick to my crappy job and sat at home alone, panicking like only a 16 year old girl can. My mom eventually made it home Saturday night, but because CPS sucks ass she couldn't go get my sisters until Monday morning. She does, they appear to not be too horribly traumatized. Nobody is required to go visit with Dad after this incident.

That day brought out the "Fixer" in me. I didn't realize what a burning desire it was until I got a phone call telling me that I couldn't do anything. I couldn't go rescue them myself, I had to save the day and it was impossible.

Right now, I have a younger sister who's "Would be Fiance" is fighting bone cancer. I can't fix this for her. IT'S KILLING ME. She is in pain and no amount of funny pictures are going to make it better. I like to think I'm helping her in some small way. I've been doing research on everything & anything to do with bone cancer, sending her articles and information. I can't shake the helpless feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. It's taken me back to a time when I was 16 and everything seemed impossible.

Here's hoping to possible,
Jenn

Wildly Inappropriate?!!

2011-09-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

I've been debating on whether or not to post this and finally decided that if I'm laughing so hard, somebody else might also get a kick out of this.

I don't remember the who, what, when, where or why, but my LB's have amassed quite a collection of Monster High Dolls. They're like Barbies, but with fangs & claws & pet snakes. I was okay with these dolls in the beginning, they came mostly fully dressed, and that's really my only sticking point with the dolls the girls have.

We took a short road trip the other day, and as usually happens on our road trip, I passed the camera to the back seat. I encourage them to take photos of each other, scenery, whatever. I'm always surprised at how they'll ham it up when I'm not the one manning the camera. This time, they just about did me in. We got home & I downloaded pictures & then I died laughing.

Well, hello there Cleo De Nile. How are you doing? Just lounging on the arm rest in the back of the car? Waiting on a servant to feed you grapes? Cleo, I'll give you a pass, while your shoes leave something to be desired, you are at least fully clothed.

Clawdeen, you dirty, dirty dog. Your hand positions lead me to believe that you are doing something inappropriate in my backseat. Are you blushing? You should be! I don't think I want my kids playing with the likes of you!

I don't know what my LB's were doing in the backseat on this day, I'm sure they were having a good time, but these pictures made me doubt my decision to let them have these dolls. Although, they did make for a great practical joke. I took Clawdeen and made her the Hubs wallpaper on his laptop. He didn't find her nearly as funny as I did. He's a definite NO on Monster High Dolls from now on. Me, I'm still undecided.

P.S. While "researching" the names of these dolls, I stumbled across a fan-site, talk about funny, in a disturbing kind of way. I did not become a member, but yes, the temptation was there.

Jenn

Touchy Feeley

2011-09-12T13:41:00.000-07:00

It has become more & more apparent to me that the Hubs and I feel very different about most everything nowadays. Now, sometimes this is just because I want to get a rise out of him and that's the kind of thing I find funny. I don't want to imply that we are fighting and that our marriage is falling apart, that's not what I mean. We just see more things differently.

Take for instance, 9/25. Your thinking to yourself, 9/25? The Hubs has been doing lots of reading/youtube watching lately and he is predicting that on 9/25 there will be some sort of crisis; whether its an act of God or financial, he doesn't know, but something will happen. Hmmm. Okay. Well, to me, that's a Sunday, so the stock market will be closed, so I'm not worried about a financial crisis. Act of God, well, I guess that could happen, we did have a freak thunderstorm roll through town on Friday night. And, we do live in earthquake country. But, I'm not going to hold my breath, chances are I'll still be doing a mountain of laundry on 9/25.

It's not only our (I don't even know what to call that) "conspiracy theory" differences so much, it's how we handle stress that is really taking a toll.

When LB#1 was diagnosed with Kawasaki's disease our world was turned upside down. We each had our own way of dealing with stress. Hubs ate, I didn't. Hubs wanted to continue to have sexxy time, I didn't. You would think that after all of this time that we've learned enough about each other that we could give what the other needed in times of crisis. Nope, not yet.

We've both been feeling a bit more stressed out and aren't coming together like I suppose we should. I should know that he needs to be touched & give him lots of extra of myself, but that's not how I respond. I don't want to touch or be touched. I don't find it comforting. And it's not only limited to him. I don't want my children loving on me. Instead of comfort I feel smothered. This creates more tension in the house, and it just turns into this viscous cycle.

So, what say you? Ideas on how we can compromise and give each other what we need to get through this rough patch?

Jenn

It's Friday! And a giveaway!

2011-09-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

I really have nothing of importance to share this happy Friday morning. I've had too much caffeine followed by too much a of fried, chocolate covered old fashioned donut. Caffeine + Sugar = Spaztastic Jenn

I bought the new Blue October album the other day and have listened to nothing else since then. It was an impulse buy and I'm so happy I gave in. I love that all of Blue October's album tell me story. All of the songs tie together in some way. This one is a little darker, the whole album is a big "F*ck You" to his ex-wife. Might not be for everybody, but I like it. It also helps that I find Justin to be so darn sexxy. Must be the guy-liner he wears, love it!

Oh, and as my title suggestions, I'm having a giveaway. The other day I posted a review of Only Yours, by Susan Mallery. I loved it and want to share it with you! I bought an extra copy with my own money (duh), just to share. If you read my review (I still hate writing those, btw), and want to read it, all you have to do is leave a comment. Say anything you want. I'll pull a winner next Friday, the 9th.

Have a great weekend!

Jenn

Crazy Family Antics - Go there now!

2011-09-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

We all know my family is a little left of normal. There are things that I don't (haven't) shared here, cause I don't know why, but it just never felt right. I seem to have no trouble sharing them with my new blogging buddy soul mate (secrets out)! I believe I've mentioned it before, but in case not....you need to start heading over to:

Crazy Family Antics

Don't worry friends & family, I've changed and/or deleted your name, you know, to protect you (there is no protecting you from this crazy though, we be screwed).

CFA is always looking for new crazy to share, it can be anonymous, but really, I think if you're going to flaunt your crazy do it with both arms raised high in the air!

Jenn

Only Yours, Susan Mallery (Another book review)

2011-08-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

I know I had said I wasn't going to do another book review, but I really loved this book (and there's that whole competition going on and I'd like to say I'm not competitive, but I am, and I want more points). It was as if the moon & stars aligned & everything was bright & shiney & oh, just lovely. Bet you were wondering how many more "&" I put in there, huh?! Anyway, back to my review!

Montana Hendrix has found her calling—working with therapy dogs. With a career she loves in a hometown she adores, she’s finally ready to look for her own happily ever after. Could one of her dogs help her find Mr. Right… or maybe Dr. Right?
Surgeon Simon Bradley prefers the sterility of the hospital to the messiness of real life, especially when real life includes an accident-prone mutt and a woman whose kisses make him want what he knows he can’t have. Scarred since childhood, he avoids emotional entanglement by moving from place to place to heal children who need his skillful touch. Can his growing feelings for Montana lead him to find a home in Fool’s Gold, or will he walk away, taking her broken heart with him?

Welcome back to Fool’s Gold! In this fifth installment we get to know more of Montana Hendrix. I loved Montana, she is the most beautiful of the Hendrix triplets, but the poor girl has some serious self esteem issues. She’s finally found her niche in life training service dogs. It’s with these dogs that Montana runs (literally) into Dr. Simon Bradley. Simon is a brilliant surgeon, but a tough guy to get to know. He’s only come to Fool’s Gold for a few months, and has no intention of staying longer than that. But, of course, in the town of Fool’s Gold, known for its man shortage, women will do anything to get one to stay.

To say I loved this book would be an understatement. I PINK PUFFY HEART LOVED this book. The chemistry & sexual tension between Montana & Simon is explosive. Both characters were so easily relatable. Montana with her low self-esteem, Simon with his lack of showing emotion, I could read 5 more books on these two characters alone! It takes a while for these two characters to come together in the story, but it couldn’t be rushed. It wouldn’t have been as genuine if Susan Mallery had rushed it. This book takes readers on such an emotional rollercoaster that you’ll be questioning whether or not it will end happily. Fool’s Gold is the Land of Happy Endings, of course it ends happily!

Conversation with a 6 year old

2011-08-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do a little "mommy blogging" just for a moment. The following conversation happened as I walked in the door from work and it gave me a good chuckle.

Me, one foot in the door, the other just crossing the threshold, purse & bag still hanging off my shoulder. I was later than usual and kinda a mess, tired, hair all over...it was a rough day.

LB # 2 (little bit) - Mom, A kid at school broke their arm today!
Me: Blank stare (bags now falling off my body)
LB # 2: Mom?
Me: (grabbing both her arms as I respond) Was it you? (bags a pile on the floor)
LB # 2: (so serious) No, it was Benjamin. Do you remember Benjamin?
Me: Yes (no), he's that little boy at your school, right?
Me: Did an ambulance come?
LB # 2: I don't know, I didn't see it happen.
Me: What happened? (obviously wasn't listening)
At this point of the conversation LB # 1 is chiming in with her two sense, "broken arms aren't that big of a deal", over & over & over again. LB # 2 & I were doing our best to ignore her.
LB # 2: He fell off the monkey bars.
Me: Oh no, that's terrible, I bet he was really scared.
Me: BROKEN ARMS ARE A BIG DEAL, NOW BE QUIET.
LB # 1: No, falling & splitting your head open and losing your brains is a big deal, arms are nothing.
Me: Yes, losing your brains is a big deal, so is your arm. You break your arm its going to be a big deal.
LB # 2: Those monkey bars are really high, I'm still gonna go on them mom.
Me: Yes, I know, but please be careful.
Me: (looking LB # 2 right in the eyes at this point) If you fall & break your arm its going to be a very big deal.
LB # 2: I know, LB # 1 doesn't know anything.
Me: You're right, she doesn't know anything about broken arms.

It's been a long time since I've seen LB # 2 be so serious about something. Supposedly, ambulance arrived & poor little Benjamin did break his arm. If memory serves, Ben was the kid last year who was constantly having to get stitches in his head, his poor mother.

Oh & The End. Mom blogging all done now!

A night of terrors

2011-08-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

UPDATE
Yes, I know that therapy would probably be great for me, but the thing is I totally clam up and don't say a word. I don't like to talk about the things I'm feeling/thinking. It's a personality flaw and I am really working on it. It's a step that I told you guys! I've got some dark posts (yes, more) coming up, but this is turning into my therapy. Nobody is looking at me, judging me (shut up), telling me to "talk about it". I can type like a crazy lady and I generally feel better once I've put it out here. Last night, no nightmares. Improvement! Jenn

I have always been plauged with nightmares. Some say its my overactive imagination, some that its my subconsious "trying" to tell me something. As a kid I had the same nightmare most nights; I was always lost in this maze of a castle and a witch was trying to get me. I'm not sure what my subconsious was trying to tell me, but I can honestly say "No life lesson learned".

I always assumed that I'd outgrow these nightmares, but they've gotten so much worse. I wish I was dreaming of a witch chasing me around a castle! I wouldn't wake up in a cold sweat, tears running down my face over some stupid witch (at least I assume I wouldn't)!

Last nights nightmare just about did me in. Woke up, sweating like a wildabeest, tears running down my face, and suckey for me, not amount of turning over was changing the outcome. I was in this old western town, shit was blowing up all over the place, and my little bitty kept getting in the way of the glass from the windows. Every which way I turned glass would blow up and she'd be laying there in the mud with shrapnel sticking out of her neck, blood all over, just a mess. I'd run over and try to save her and never could. OVER & OVER.

What the fuck.

I've been given one of those "all about your dreams" books, and if I had dreams of my teeth falling out or of a co-worker seeing me naked I'd be good. Those aren't the norm for me however, so while the intent was great with this book, it doesn't help me.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of this. I would like to just go to sleep each night and either not remember my dreams or have dreams that are of me winning the lottery. I really don't think I'm asking for much here!

So, general census, anyone else plagued by never ending nightmares? Suggestions on how to get rid of them?

I'm alive, I'm alive!

2011-08-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Whoa dudes, has it almost been a whole month since I've rambled away in your ears? The days are just flying by! I really wish I had some sort of great excuse for my absence, but I don't. I'll just give you the high-lights of the last month, yes? Yes.

We piled in a rental car and took a road trip. I say piled most literally, we rented a "full size" car and I really anticipated it being bigger. The front seat was fine, but the girls in the back were still a bit bitchy about the lack of leg room. Road trip was pretty uneventful, saw some family, and then came home and thanked god I don't live close to some of that family.
Part of this road trip taught me a little bit more about myself. For example: I've always thought of myself as a bit of a slob. I'm clean, but not super clean. After being in my MIL's house I'm freaking Martha Stewart clean. I walked in her house and my nostrils were assaulted beyond repair. I turned towards the Hubs & said rather loudly, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL"? Turns out she's got cats, two of them, they shit in the kitchen. Granted they are shitting in one of those cats boxes with the sand, but IT'S IN THE KITCHEN. WHERE YOU COOK FOOD.
I lost weight on this road trip (oh, I've since gained it all back, but I'm ok with that). Turns out, I don't like to eat food prepared in a kitchen that smells like cat poo.
I also learned (maybe learned isn't the correct word here), maybe it was just reinforced that I am a horrible influence. I turned one of the "good" sister-in-laws into a drinking machine. Turns out I make a pretty good mai tai and can get the most quiet of women to completely open up and tell me all her secrets, and get her true opinion of the MIL we share. Her husband was not real happy with me. This tends to happen a lot. The wives always love me and the husbands fear me.
On the home front, kids started back to school this past Monday. They love going to school, could be they love recess, but whatever.
Part of the kids going back to school meant that I had to get organized. Now, this is just pure pressure on myself. Nobody was forcing me to get organized, but I was getting all twitchy looking towards the girls room and knew something had to be done. Did it have to be done the Sunday before school started, no, but I'm a little OCD like that. Luckily my sister came over and helped me tackle 80% of it. It got done, it looks nice, and when I'm happy everyone is happy.
I'm 3 weeks behind on True Blood, don't tell me anything. I want to be surprised by all the dirty Sookie/Eric sexxy time.

I think that's about it. I haven't been reading as much as I'd like to, but college football starts this Saturday, so my weekend reading time will really open up then!

Jenn

Full of Awesome!

2011-07-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

I had so much fun the other day when my bestie came over and allowed me to share her hilarious e-mail. I've since convinced her to partner up with me and create a new blog! Come on over & check it out!

Shit They Don't Tell You

Welcome to the Fun House

2011-07-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

I was copied on one of the funniest e-mails this morning and felt it my duty to share with the world (please continue to share, its that good). If I may refer you back to my sidekick post, you’ll remember that I find myself at my funniest when I can play off of something or someone. I’ve changed names when necessary to protect the guilty, and made my own commentary to amuse myself.

Dear Jenny (you don’t know who Jenny is? We need to talk),

So, I recently was turned on to your blog by my BFF Jenn (yours truly) (who if you call Jenny will punch you in the neck, true story as she did it to me (& I’d do it again if necessary). Well, she did it because I was drunkenly singing Sweet Caroline (I start to twitch just at the mention of this song) in her ear, and in all fairness, she warned me). Anyway, I spent the better part of my day at work catching up on your blog either laughing hysterically or having to run to the bathroom for fear that I would pee my pants from all the laughter. Which is quite easy to do now a days since having two babies, I seem to suck at bladder control (seriously, why didn’t the “What to Expect” books include this? It could’ve been a book by itself, “Shit nobody will tell you about having babies”).

Anyway, it was on one of my multiple trips to the potty where I noticed this:

Cleans & Freshens

Why, on god's green earth would a cleaning products company develop mint toilet bowl cleaner? Is it for my dogs (I have no cats, as hubby is allergic and quite frankly I find them scary, they will eat you while you are sleeping (I don’t even have anything to say about this kind of crazy)). I guess there are worse things my dogs drink/lick/eat, and they would have minty smelling breath (um…why are you that close to your dogs mouth?). But...I would be afraid of the minty green breath....(see reason below)

Is it for my kids? Cause the minute my six year old daughter exits the potty with minty smelling hands (better than her breath, yes?), I am gonna have to write a letter to her school explaining this recent event. This might be an improvement since it is a struggle lately to get her to wipe, flush and wash hands. Why is this, by the way? She has taken to just washing her hands so that we won’t ask if she has wiped or flushed. Which makes us have to do a potty check prior to guests coming over; no one wants to be surprised by that (sure, you check for other guests, but I come over & get to visit with all the kids left in the pool)!

And the thought of minty smelling adult poop causes a gag reflex that will forever change the way I feel about brushing my teeth (yummy).

Anyhoo, I thought you would enjoy the picture, and I promise to be a continued viewer of your blog - if you ever stop by the San Francisco Bay Area, Jenn (me again) and I will have to take you out for a drink (or 3 or 4, we have zero control) (minus the Neil Diamond of course, which quite frankly ruins any drunk Karaoke).

Thanks again,

The cheese to Jenn’s salami (not her real name)

I could go on and on, but I've been laughing too hard and now have to go pee. Thanks small children.

First & Last Book Review

2011-07-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

Aaack. I didn't think writing a book review would be a difficult thing for me. I love to read, love to voice my opinion, but when I felt I HAD to write a review I got the shakes, my palms were sweating and I just felt horrible about it. And, to be honest, I don't have to do a review, but I won a contest. Part of this contest is that I get to be a "cheerleader" for an author I really enjoy. The more I talk & share about this author the more points I get. Now, I've come to the realization that I don't have a shot in hell of winning. I just don't want to be dead last either. The competitive side of myself will not allow me to fail, so I've got to put in some effort. So here goes, my attempt at a book review:

ONLY MINE, by Susan Mallery, release date of July 26, 2011

In this sweet and charming 4^th installment to the Fool’s Gold series we return to meet Dakota Hendrix. She’s coming out of her shell and including family in on her deeply hidden secret. In walks Finn Andersson, he’s not happy to be in Fool’s Gold. The reality show filming in the small town with a shortage of men has called for auditions and picks his identical twin brothers to be on the show. Finn of course, would rather they come home and finish college.

As usual, Ms. Mallery has written very likeable characters. I loved being taken back to the town and having glimpses of previous characters. I would have liked to see more interaction with Dakota & Finn. At times the story dealt too much with the reality show and I felt that took something away from our two love birds. It was an easily predicted ending, but one that I did enjoy.

I kept it short & sweet, when I attempted to give more details I just lost myself and got all tongue twisted and that was just ugly.

Now, if that tantalizing review has made your heart go all a twitter and you want to purchase this book here's a link to Amazon, and one for Goodreads:

Amazon Order Page

Goodreads Order Page

And, yes, if you decide to order, let me know, cause I get points for that, and remember I don't want to come in dead last. Oh & if anyone wants some cute Fool's Gold bookmarks (they are the durable thin plastic kind), let me know, I've got a ton to giveaway (yes, more points for moi).

Have any of you ever read any of Susan Mallery's books? Cute, fluffy little romances is how I describe them. I'll save more of my sales pitch for another day (lucky you!).

Whew, did you make it through all that?

Decisions, decisions

2011-07-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

Oh... I have a problem today and know what I need to do, but have some serious guilt over it. I hate this feeling.

There was a contest a little bit ago and I was chosen as one of 25 people to participate. The contest is just getting under way. One of the first things to do was read a particular book give my thoughts and then help promote the book. I read it last and was so disappointed. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. So, now, I'm stuck. Do I e-mail the contest "head Marshall" and let her know that my heart isn't in this? Maybe send all the promo items back to give to someone else? I'm not required to do anything but hand out book marks, and talk nice about the author, which I can do. I do enjoy this author, I just didn't enjoy this one book.

I know I don't stand a shot of winning this contest. I'm competing against PTA Presidents and women who have this huge social network behind them. I don't have that. Do I give it my best shot anyway, maybe encourage others to start off on a different book, one that I did enjoy?

What do you think? Give it a shot or give someone else a chance?

Calling Me Out

2011-07-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

I was in the car today, rocking out to some Trisha Yearwood (oh, yeah), and my mind started to wonder. Then of course the super sized truck behind me started driving like a maniac and I was focusing on him, trying to decide if I let him hit me or if I can swerve to the left or right to get out of his way when I almost kissed the back end of the Honda in front of me. Stupid big truck. Had me worried about the back end of my car when I should be paying attention to the front end. The point is, of course, that I made it home in one piece, and my insurance rate isn't going up. Yeah Me!

But, back to my wondering noggin. I was thinking how great our trip to Oregon was. The weather was perfect, the roads were empty and the company was enjoyable. I had pretty low expectations of the whole thing. I figured it was going to be a mob of old people and I wouldn't get the time with my grandparents that I wanted. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. Granddad is in excellent shape (for being 80) and it was just us family and some immediate friends (that I've known for years), no need for any FOOP (thanks Teri Anne)!

It was fun to see my granddad kinda let loose. He's always spoken what he's thinking, and this trip was no exception. Maybe it was because this time I was really listening to him, but it really resonated with me.

Granddad called me on my shit. No hesitation in his voice, just full on, "I knew what was going on". I laughed like a crazy lady and confirmed what he already knew. In June 1994 he took me & my younger sister on a road trip. We did a big loop, California, Arizona, New Mexico...out to Missouri, then back to Oregon through all those more northern states. Anyway, it was June, it was ridiculously hot in some places and my sister & I made sure to encourage stopping at all RV parks that had pools. The pools had boys. Teenage boys. It was a kind of heaven, no parents around, grandparents that were fairly relaxed about us wondering around by ourselves. I'm pretty confident in saying that we both (my sister & I) were having a heck of a time.

I don't know why I ever thought that they had no idea we were out galavanting around these back woods RV parks with boys. Turns out, Grandpa knew. He's been keeping it a secret since 1994. He called me on it loud & clear this trip though. So, of course I had to come right home and grab my journal from that road trip and see how many entries I had where boys were mentioned. Turns out not as many as I thought, whew. Guess my teenage self had enough control to not document the boys. There is only one entry and because I'm feeling generous I'll share it with you:

04 July, Springfield, Missouri
Today was the reunion. It was very boring. We didn't stay all day. When we got back we went to the pool & started talking to this guy named Jay and then Adam came over, we were talking at the pool for over 2 1/2 hours. We went out to dinner then came back & watched the fireworks in the field. Jay saw us and we all went for a walk & played on the swings. Got his address, he wants us to write him letters.

Wow, I really had a way with words. I don't remember ever writing Jay any letters. Guess I was just a big tease.

It was a fun trip then and it was almost as fun to reminisce during this visit.

Here's a few photos for your viewing pleasure:

Mt. Shasta from the road, one of the better shots I got from a moving vehicle.

This one always freaked me out as a kid. I've been told its a vent from Mt. Shasta and it's really close to the road, so I was always afraid of it spewing lava on our car. I'm not confirming or denying that I asked the Hubs to please drive faster as we passed by it this time around.

Awwwwwkward

2011-07-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been to my folks house in...a long time. They moved in October of last year and I was just now getting up there to visit. Yeah, it was by choice, I feel I can't be myself when I'm around them. I'm like Sybil, except I've only got the other Jenny who agrees with everything said and doesn't make waves. Although I did call bullshit when it was brought up that they had met the guy that was responsible for the bullets in Osama. I just couldn't swallow that one!

So anyway, we are up there visiting. Drinking cause that's what we do. I for the first time, switched to water. I was parched and wine just wasn't going to work for me. The Hubs & Parents continued on. It's a rare thing for the hubster to get as intoxicated as he did.  He's usually the one making sure that I stay out of trouble (riiiight).

My folks obviously don't have children at home, they have no reason to "childproof" their house.  They left a Playboy magazine on the coffee table. I had noticed it when we walked in, it was in a ziploc bag (I don't even wanna know) and I turned it face down and buried it other all the other stuff on the table. Not my house, not my business, just buried it.

What did the hubs find in his drunken state?  Yup, found the buried Playboy. Did he pop open that ziploc bag and start flipping thru? Yup, right there on the couch, sitting next to my mother. Oh, yeah, you read that correctly. My hubs is flipping through that magazine with all its nekked glory while sitting one inch from my mom. Pointing things out too, cause, really, isn't Playboy better when you get to point and make comments? Now, the part that gets awkward is that my mom was engaging and encouraging this. Oh, yeah, but did you see this, kind of thing, and it wasn't anything bad, mockery of the airbrushedness, but def made me go WTF?

Dad was already in a semi-passed out stage so he didn't really have any idea what was going on, but me? I'd switched to water, I was super sober, sitting there listening to the two of them on the couch. Um, to say it was strange would be, strange is not the right word, somebody hand me a thesaurus. I need something stranger than strange.

It was one of the more awkward conversations I've been a part of, that's for sure. I ended up giving up on changing the subject and just went to bed.

Wonder if Hubs remembers any of this? I'm almost afraid to ask. Think this will be one of those things that I keep to myself.

Monday Madness

2011-07-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

I had made a deal with myself to only drink on days then end in "Y", but that's not working out well for me. Wait, maybe it is. What day is it? I'm so joking right now. I really only drink when I'm around my parents, and that's a survival mechanism. Don't we all have one? That's not where I wanted to go today though.

I'll be honest, I haven't been posting lately because I've been a bit pissed off and didn't want to be all ranty and nasty. I'm over that though. I figure if I'm going to be here and be all honest that includes my pissiness, right? Today, I'm over the anger, I'm not angry anymore, now, I've accepted it and I'm moving on.

What I can't accept is the judgement. Christ on a stick. You judge me? Who the fuck are you? You don't know me, but your gonna lay your bullshit on my shoulders? It has come to my attention that because I don't cry and sob and wail to the heavens that I must be a heartless bitch. No asshole, I don't cry because that's not what I do. What's crying going to do to fix the problem? I make an attempt to solve things, sobbing "why me" isn't going to do a damn thing, oh, but poor baby, you don't like that about me, it must suck to be you. I fight. I fight for what I want. You. You give up and go cry, you cry for sympathy, you cry for attention, you cry for someone else to fight your fight. What a pansy. You're weak and I'm ashamed for you.

And I'm done.

Stayed tuned, I've got an awkward family story coming up!

Tuesday Treats

2011-06-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

I’m in a goofy mood today. It might be the weather, the moon (is it full yet), or just maybe it’s that True Blood is back.

I’m leaning towards # 3 up there.

I’m surprised that I love this show as much as I do. I honestly ~~hated~~ disliked the books. I thought they were slow and the sexy time sucked, didn’t grab my attention in any way. And, that sums up right there why I love the show so much. Super uber sexy, graphic, bloody, completely different that the books. That makes me so happy. I’m doing a little happy dance right now just thinking about it. I’m not going to give any spoilers, but oh, Sundays episode (which I watched last night cause I was too tired to stay up) was so good. I don’t think its possible for Eric to look any better. That man is the best eye candy ever. Well, maybe not the best…there is still my Game of Thrones hottie (& don’t tell me what happens, I’m still not all the way caught up).

Knuckle biter, this one here is.

I’m still tossed up on whether or not to read the Game of Thrones books, I don’t want to be disappointed in them. Think I’ll just stick to HBO’s version. Have any of you read them? What do you think?

The books don't have pictures do they?

Remember when Jurassic Park came out in the theater? I do. I had read the book the summer before and loved it. I was super excited to see the movie (I didn’t know at this time that movie makers butcher books) and was so disappointed in the movie. I liked the movie, used to have such a crush on Sam Neil (ok, maybe I still do), but it just didn’t do the book justice. My favorite scene from the book was not in the movie. Remember the scene where the flying dinosaurs are attacking (bonus points to whoever knows the name of flying dinos). Totally cut from the film.

I’m not even going to mention a certain movie based on a book that came out in May that I refuse to see and couldn’t believe it was turned into a movie cause the book sucked so much ass. I really wanted to like it, I did. This author (whose initials are E.G.) is so hugely popular and I wanted to be cool and read the popular book. Yeah, not going to do that again. I’ll stick to my slutty vamps & weres & uber sweet & sticky(ha!) contemporary romances, thanks!

Any Trubies in the group? Raise your hands real high!!! Any books turned into movies/shows that you want to talk about?

Brain Drain

2011-06-27T14:52:00.000-07:00

The 4^th of July has got me thinking, like the kind of thinking where it just goes and goes and goes and everything in your brain is all jumbled together like one giant mud pie. I’m going to make an attempt to spit this out, and put my thoughts into words. Maybe then I’ll start to feel more human!

My granddad is turning 80 this 4^th of July. To some this might be more of a big deal, but in my family everyone appears to live until damn near 100. (This made me giggle like a crazy lady, they “appear to live”, it’s not like there are family members stuffed and propped up on front porches.) I can say this with some conviction cause the last funeral we had was for my great-grandma (she was 94ish) and that was 10 years ago. 10 years and nobody has died, that’s saying something, right? Back to granddad though. Turning 80. Having a party. I spoke to another family member a few days ago and they felt the need to fill me in on granddad. I guess granddad has aged in the last year. Like really aged. He’s old, I knew at some point this would happen. And it’s not like he looked a lot younger than he is, he just always seemed younger. So, now, I’m a little worried about his party. Is he going to be all crumpled on himself sitting in the corner? Maybe it’s my own fear of turning old & crinkly, but I don’t do well with “old people”. I tend to stutter and trip on myself…let’s be honest…I avoid. Ok. I said it. I tend to avoid old people. I haven’t ever avoided my granddad cause he wasn’t an “old person”, but now, after this conversation I’m worried. What if he’s an old person? Am I going to be able to pull myself together and sit and visit with him? Of course I am. He’s my number 1.

I have this friend (and she probably is going to hate me for doing this), but I can’t be stopped. To keep her identity safe we’ll call her WOOP. Whisperer of Old People. Swear to god, it’s like this magnetic pull, her & old people. They flock to her like pigeons to a stray hot dog on a beach. There have been multiple experiences where WOOP & I have been doing something together and without fail old people will come up to us. Me, I have always tended to shy away, (if you don’t make eye contact it’s like you’re not there). WOOP, she jumps right in head first. Talking and touching the old people. This happens all the time. WOOP brushes it off, but I think it comes back to that whole sympathetic nature thing. I don’t have it, she does. Others can sense it (obviously).

That’s not to say I’m not sympathetic. Just not to a lot of things others are. I’m feeling some sympathy for the old woman that TSA harassed. I feel more anger towards TSA than I feel sympathy, but something’s better than nothing, right? Um, yeah, that’s the only thing that I feel any sympathy towards at this very moment. Oh my, I am a horrible person. I was really hoping to have something else to convince myself, but came up blank.

Thoughts? Anyone else out there a little freaked out by aging? Any other hearts made of stone?

Friday Fun Day!

2011-06-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Whoo Hoo! It's Friday! I love Fridays, even more than I love Saturdays, can you believe that? Fridays for me mean the start of the weekend, I get to stay up late, watch whatever I want (after the children are asleep, of course).

Tonight I'm going to treat myself to a Game of Thrones mararthon. Shame on you for not clueing me into this show. I haven't even seen it yet but I know I'm going to love it. Know why...

Holy crap balls, that guy is ridiculous. I feel I've been naughty and need to be punished...by him...a lot!
Wow, I've lost my train of thought. I don't think I really had one to begin with, I'm all distracted and quivery from ~~drooling~~ looking at that picture.

I know, how 'bout a contest? Want to win some books? I've got the complete set of Casa Dracula books by Marta Acosta to give away. To win, you've got to put your thinking caps on...Leave a comment, how would you punish (or like to be punished!) Mr. Riduculously Smokin' Hot? Contest will be open until tomorrow 6/18, midnight and I'll post a winner here Sunday.

Contest open to all in the continental US only.

***Standard disclaimer - although I stalk Marta she has no idea who I am, and is not encouraging me to do this. I purchased these books with my own hard earned money and want to share the love, and also I need to clear some room on my bookshelves.

Weekend Randomness

2011-06-13T19:04:00.000-07:00

The family & I were cruising along the highway this weekend when I noticed a couple of things. One, that I am easily distracted in the car, two, that I have a hugely overactive imagination, and three, that once distracted & lost to my imagination I'm not much company. It could not be helped, I assure you, the outside sources were to much for my inquisitive mind, and of course for your reading enjoyment, here's a short list (in no particular order) of things that piqued my curiosity.

1) Memorials on cars. I saw no less than 3 memorials on cars this past weekend. The back windows of big old Ford trucks with some sort of "remember the dead" phrase. One car had its entire backend airbrushed with some dead guys picture and you know, lived-died thing on it. The entire thing. I don't see the reasoning behind this. Do people think this gives them a free pass to drive shitty? Oh, look, I had somebody die, I'm going to cut you off now and you have to be okay with it, cause see, look, I've memorialized it on my car. Do they really think that grandpa cares? Are they going to keep this car forever, cause come on, you can't sell it. Or, are they looking for the random strangers to make comments & maybe stop to talk while pumping gas, or passing in the grocery store parking lot? If I die, I really don't want my family to airbrush my face on the back of their vehicles. If they must, take an add out on a billboard, not like I'm gonna notice though.

2) Internet dating photos. I know what you're thinking, how could this come up while I was a passenger in the car? There was traffic. Lots of it, so we weren't moving very fast. I happened to be looking out the window (what else) and noticed two women next to just the truck part of a semi-truck (why are they called semi-trucks?) taking pictures. Not just any pictures, but the kind where you are trying to be all sexy and drape yourself up & over, legs spread, you know I mean. Now, of course I was a distance away & couldn't really see these women, but I'm gonna judge based on what I could see. These were not your car magazine models, there weren't & haven't been bikinis involved in quite some time. I couldn't think of any other reason for the types of photos they were doing other than internet dating. Now that I've thought more about it, maybe this was an attempt at some sexy time photos for the husband? Maybe she was working on her 2012 calendar?

This makes me think back, like a month ago, took the kids to the park and there were a couple of guys there doing the same thing. On the play structure. Couple of dudes taking turns taking their picture as they hung from the monkey bars. They left when we walked up, but continued to pose on the teeter-totter, park bench, picnic table. It was really disturbing. I saw the pics they were taking & ladies, be warned, you don't want to date a guy who's pic is him hanging from the monkey bars. What are you trying to say with a picture like that? I want kids, or I'm still a child? Weirdos!

Anything catch your eye this weekend? And, really, can anyone answer my semi-truck question, I'm perplexed.

Gigi's Closet - Happy Birthday!

2011-06-09T14:58:00.000-07:00

We all know I like to win. Who doesn't? I'm giving myself extra "points" for helping spread the word about Gigi's Closet. She's one of my guilty pleasure bloggers I follow. In fact, I think I posted one of her links here before...remember, it was the wildly inappropriate camel toe one!!! This one is to help her celebrate her birthday, and hopefully win me a Sony Reader. Keep your fingers crossed!
http://gigisconsignmentcloset.blogspot.com/2011/06/come-celebrate-my-birthday-with-me-and.html

Horrible friends?

2011-06-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm a horrible friend. There, I said it.

I'm great when we are right next to each other. If I can see you everyday, every month, hell, even every other month, I'm golden. I'll call, I'll text (gaw!), I will do all that is possible to keep in touch and let you know how much I love you. Cause I do. I love you, my friends. Love, love, love, squishy, kiss you on the mouth love!

But, on the other hand, if you don't respond, and make the effort to be my friend I'm going to lose interest. I can't keep up a one-sided friendship. It's a lot of work to be a friend. Don't you agree? We are all so focused on our own individual stuff and to keep a friendship alive takes some work and really, who has that much more to give?

I've lost a number of friends over the years. People move away, money is tight, so flying out for a visit is not going to happen, but we can still talk on the phone, can't we? But again, I'm only going to try so hard, and then I leave it to you, are you going to put in the effort? Most don't. That's a bummer, cause I think I'm pretty darn awesome. Everybody should strive to be my friend, (wow, getting a bit cocky, don't ya think)!

So, today, to help spread the friend love, call, text, e-mail a friend that you've lost contact with. Let them know that Jenn at the pondering pisces made you think about them. Oh, and then because I've decided I'm turning into a fame whore, send them my way, give them my link!

www.theponderingpisces.blogspot.com

Blading?

2011-06-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

I took the small children out last night, as the sun was still miraculously shining, to burn off some energy. It appeared we all had a little something to burn. I had sat all day and my buns were a bit numb & tingly (not in a good way), and the small children, well, they always are ready to run.

There is a park not too far from our house, but the kids didn't want to walk. There are a couple of decent hills on the way to this park and the kids like to feel their hair whipping back from their skulls, so they choose to scooter. I of course, then had to find a mode of transport to help me keep up. My bike wasn't going to do it. The thought of sitting on that bike seat just about put me into spasms. I donned my roller blades.

A few weeks ago my blades stopped rolling. Something was catching on the wheels making it impossible to roll. Me, being the genius that I am decide to fix it myself. Husband! Come help me! My wheels won't turn! (I'm such a good fixer). He takes the brake off, pulls off some wheels, finds this rubbery crap jammed in there, pulls it all out and puts everything back together. He asked me, "Do you want me to put the brake back on". Me, no, I don't use the brake, just leave it off. Famous last words.

Girls & I head out of the trail, its nice and flat, little bumpy here & there, but nothing to be concerned about.  Girls are screaming like wild attacking Indians, having a blast and I'm right there with them, minus the screaming part. I'm breathing too hard to scream.  We come to our first hill, it's a piece of cake, I struggle to the top, but have a blast coming down the other side. The screaming wild attacking Indian that I've got bottled up in me has been let loose.

At this point, we are all flying, wind whipping behind us, other folks are jumping out of our way on the trail, we look intimidating. And, I'm assuming, we also looked a bit out of control and it was probably for the better that folks got out of our way. We are almost to the park.  Just one more hill to go.

It's a big one, I didn't realize how big. This is no gentle slope, this is straight down with a fence covering half the trail. I take a deep breath and tell the kids, I'm gonna go first.  Why? I don't know.  Looking back it might have been a mistake on my part to go first.  I start off and I'm swerving back & forth, like a slalom skier, to keep my speed down. Both kids are right on my ass, like right behind me, I keep having to throw out my arms and push myself off of them. Then one of my darling kids lets me know there's a bike rider behind us. Well, crap. Me, being all considerate & such decide to let him pass us. Holy shit, bad move. Know how much speed I picked up in those mere seconds?

Enough to take out a fence.  Amazingly, I didn't fall! I ripped the fence out of the ground & took it with me for a bit. The teenagers making out at the bottom of the hill had a good laugh at my expense, but I ended up with only a few broken fingernails. I took the fence right on the edge, I was so close to clearing it, but that damn biker. Guess I was distracted by all the spandex? I don't know.

Anyway, we had fun at the park, and there were no other mishaps on the way home. I did learn that going back home the hills are a lot steeper, but most had fences, so I just walked myself down holding on for dear life to any & all fences I came across. I learned that all the crap lodged in between my wheels was basically brake dust (guess I did use them). I also learned that my kids are adrenaline junkies and love going down those hills. It was frightening to watch. Those little scooter wheels do not look built for what my kids are doing to them.

Oh & my butt? It wasn't tingly or numb, I'd forgotten just how many butt muscles you use while roller blading. I also learned that I'm not as agile as I once was.

You? Do you have anything that you used to be really good at and are in the dark on whether or not you can still do it?

Love Songs

2011-06-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

The hubsters and mine 10 year wedding anniversary is quickly approaching, and we've never been the couple to give gifts. We'd rather go do something fun together. This year is no exception, we've got the kids pawned off and are planning to head up to Tahoe to celebrate.

It got my thinking this morning, as I've got my pandora station set to Garth Brooks, our "wedding song" started playing. Now, I should really call it my wedding song cause I know for sure that the hubs doesn't have a clue what song was playing as we twirled & swirled around the parkay dance floor. I didn't force this song on him but it just wasn't a big deal to him what we first danced to. It's not a big deal now, I just find myself more amused by the different things that are important to us and what each of us remember from our wedding.

I remember the heat, it was so hot that day. I loved wearing my wedding dress, but couldn't wait to change out of it and did, before the reception was "done". I remember these ladies pinning up my train and doing a horrible job of it, I proceeded to dance the day away and was constantly stepping on my train.

The hubs, he remembers being nervous. And then I walked down the aisle and then we went home. Really, this is the extent of it! I had to prod him at his part, you know, where he was supposed to say "I DO". Poor guy.

Our song though. I still feel a bit of regret that we weren't ever able to come up with a song that we both agreed upon. Still, almost 10 years later we don't have one that speaks to us. Unless maybe its the song that they always play during the hockey playoffs.

How about you? Any memorable wedding stories you'd like to share with the group? How about your song, willing to share that with me?

Here's the one we danced to:

Here's the one maybe we should have danced to (I had to idea the guy signing this song looked like such a child):

Quickie!

2011-06-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

Whoo HOOO! I'm not very good a phonetic spelling, is that obvious!!!???

I've got no children tonight! Yeah me! My sister called, left me a quick voicemail this afternoon, it involved the words "dinner" and "kids spending the night". Um, does a bear shit in the woods????....

Husband & I were going to see a movie and I admit, I have a people phobia. I don't like large crowds. I don't know why, or where this comes from, but if I see a packed parking lot I kinda start to hyperventilate and think of other things to do. Luckily, I know the hubsters weakness for any and all alcoholic beverages and was quick to pipe up with "PF Changs"?

They make a mean mai tai. F*ckers $8 a pop, but damn, its got some punch to it. I had 2 of those, hubster had 1 and then an agave margarita (oh lalala), some fried finger foods (yum), what is it about drinking that makes me want fried, crunchy finger foods? I can't get enough. That and that place has all the chili & soy sauce on the table so I was able to make my own spicy dip. YUMMY!

Just so you know, hubster right now is sitting right next to me talking, and luckily my senior year in high school I took a typing class and holy shit balls I'm good. I'm able to nod at the appropriate times and he really thinks I'm listening. Oh, I've been caught. No, really I'm listening. Lesbians. Yes, they are good. Hot lesbians, even better. I think he just called me Shirley. Uh, oh, think he's got caught me. Yep, I've been caught, now he wants to know what I'm typing. I read it out loud, he's laughing at me now. Are you laughing or is this just me laughing at myself in my childless, somewhat tipsy, but relaxed state.

Isn't this what "pondering" is all about? It is to me. Is this what you enjoy reading? My completely inane ramblings? I don't have a dictionary, is inane spelled correctly, am I using it in the right context (hells yeah I am)?

Luckily Netflix delivered "The Road" so we're gonna go watch some end of the world stuff and get all conspiracy theorized and have some serious discussions.

Did you keep a strait face through that? Yeah, neither did I!!!!! Luckily, I know the hubster well enough, that I'll be able to fool him and get him all riled up on something and then start laughing!

Okay, gotta go, he's really working me to wrap this up. Trust me, I could keep going, I've got all kinds of nonsense running thru this little pea brain of mine.

Until next time....drink more rum.....watch more movies....have more sexy time...

***OMG, if you haven't watched 'The Road" don't bother. Let me give you a quick recap: end of the world (nope, never given any why), dumb ass father dragging his kid around, who btw, is a total dumbass. That kid is such a pansy I wanted him to eat lead within 10 minutes of the movie. Robert Duvall makes a guest appearance which was the only time I kinda perked up and was like,oh, maybe this is going somewhere. Uh, no, fooled you....not going anywhere. In a post apocalyptic world you can bet your ass my kids are gonna know what to look for and not be such whiney little shits. If we find a hidden bunker full of food, bet my ass if we ever leave! What a disappointment. So much for being able to get the hubster riled up!

Dirty Friday

2011-06-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

Because I love you and because I've deemed it dirty Friday (seriously, have you seen all the man-candy posted on blogs today) I'm going to share my all time favorite Vegas story! Are you prepared? Got your popcorn and smokes handy?

Some of my friends & family hopped on a plane and took a quick flight down to Las Vegas to celebrate my birthday. Had a great flight, drank a few beers, did you know that in Vegas they won't let you get off the plane with your beer, you can walk on the street, but not exit a plane. I didn't either, we had to chug those down real quick like. (We managed)!

Got to our hotel, now we went a little thrifty on our hotel, stayed at the Sahara, I don't even think its there anymore. Being the party people that we are we had brought supplies to make a flirtini, vodka, pineapple juice and a splash of champagne if I remember correctly. The point is... Yummy. Few drinks later, change of clothes and we were ready to roll.

Us girls had a date. Date with some Thunder. Thunder from down Under to be more precise. Few more drinks before the show started, then a few more in the show. Are you picking up on my theme yet?

Any of you ever been to the Thunder? Oh, I so recommend it.

How ya' doing? Still with me. Wipe the drool we're not done yet.

My sister got our tickets and holy crap. We were right there, front & center. There was so much happening on our table, those beefcakes give you your money's worth, junk is all in your face. I think one in our party might of bit one of the beefcakes. No, it wasn't me.

My favorite part of the show was the MC. He was a fireball. Funny, smoking hot, just delicious. I could have taken just a show with him alone.

Oh, wait, I did.

In one part of the show they are calling for volunteers. Not me, I am not one to volunteer. I'm hooting & hollering though, just because. I wasn't really paying attention to my sister though. Turns out I should have. She's got some lungs on her, that one. Lungs that the MC took notice of, cause he turns to her and she points to me. Oh, yeah, my little sister volunteered me to get on that stage. I've got a good buzz going, so I jump up, (might have crawled over some ladies) to get up there with his hotness.

Holy shit. On stage with all that going on. This girl could hardly contain herself. Literally, I'm up there on that stage, crowd's going wild, the bright lights are on me. Crazy.

Then we get told what we are volunteering for. We've got to put on a show. A show of our best FAKED orgasm. Um, yeah, fake an orgasm ON STAGE. In front of his hotness. In front of a crowd full of drunk ass women.

Volunteer # 1 goes up, she's an amateur. It was ok. Not really believable. I'm laughing hysterically.

Volunteer # 2 goes up, again, she's just not giving it her all. I'm still laughing hysterically, think I might be deficient of oxygen in parts of my brain at this point.

Volunteer # 3 goes up. The MC puts his arm around her waist, she's got a grip on him that the jaws of life wouldn't be able to cut thru. He smells so good, like Irish Spring Soap. He says something to # 3, but she's still busy laughing like a complete crazy lady at this point, the oxygen in her brain has been replaced by Irish Spring Soap and Aussie hotness. She starts breathing real heavy like, eye lids get real heavy, Aussie hottie is gripping her more firmly now and then # 3 loses it. She forgot to the whole FAKING part and let one loose right there on that stage. No joke. Have you ever been on total sensory overload? I have, one time, on stage at the Thunder from down Under. I ended up on my knees, my face all in his hotness's crotch area (yes, it smelled awesome). He pulls me up and looks at me, and I'm just a puddle at this point. It's kinda quiet in the room now (this could be completely inaccurate, a bomb could have gone off in the room, but I wasn't hearing a thing), I think folks are a little aware that I just lost my shit on that stage. The MC looks at me and says, "Wow, your mom would be so proud right now". My sister jumps up and says, "She is, she's right here!!!" I have never laughed so hard in my life. My mom was so red she was purple. I'm laughing as I type this.

There is still one more volunteer to go. In all honestly, she was the pity volunteer. Unattractive, hugely overweight, it wasn't pretty.

Volunteer # 4 goes, we all laugh, she wins blah, blah, blah.

I however, was ok with that. I walked out feeling very much relaxed, with a calendar and mouse pad. The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur. I know we continued with the walking around & drinking. I was now a bit famous, lots of random strangers coming up to congratulate me. I got some plastic penises thrown at me at one point. Think I put those in my pocket, but again, it's a bit hazy.

It was an epic Vegas trip and I know I'll never have one that even comes close to surpassing it in absolute greatness!

How 'bout you? Got any dirty Friday stories to share? I promise, what happens on this blog, stays on this blog!

Movie Review...Blue Valentine

2011-06-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

My first movie review! Yeah, lucky you!

Oh and ***SPOILER ALERT***

I had been eagerly awaiting Blue Valentine to show up in my mailbox, it finally did, and I finally watched it last night. Whew... Anyone else seen this yet?

What a dark, depressing movie. But, yet, on the other hand, I found it so relateable. Cindy & Dean are a married couple with a young child (Frankie) and really, they are the only people in the movie. There are a couple of other bit players, but they don't drive the movie. I was trying to think of some eloquent way to describe the plot of this movie, but I couldn't come up with anything other than...we get to watch a marriage fall apart.

That's it.

There is no happy ending here. It starts out in the present tense, we are watching this family interact, and its not that bad, there's no yelling, no hitting, but you can tell somethings off. Dean does odd jobs, Cindy (for the life of me I can't remember the "title", but she operates the sonogram machine for preggo ladies). They go to work, take little Frankie to school, and in between all of this day to day we go back to when they met. This is where the hubster got a little lost. I had no trouble with keeping up with present vs past, he however, couldn't. I kept having to say it as the scene changed..."present", "nope, back in the past now". I loved how we got to watch how it all started. Should these two have ever gotten married, no, probably not, but it was what the moment called for and really, the appeared to really love each other.

There is lots of naked time in this movie. Normally I'd be all over that, naked time that's not porn, yippeee! However, this naked time was the most uncomfortable thing to watch. I'd have to give Cindy (Michelle Williams) an Oscar for her ability to act these scenes. If Dean (Ryan Gosling) was attempting to woo me as he did her, I'd be all over it. But, this is where we really got to see just how done Cindy is. Dean books them a romantic getaway at a theme hotel, he picks the future room. Cindy is taking a shower and Dean joins her, hot right? No, it was almost painful to watch as Dean tries to make some sexy time with his wife and how much Cindy rejects him. At one point she gives in, fine, use my body, whatever it takes, and she's got her arm thrown over her eyes and is biting her lip and just making this horrific face. Poor Dean. It was at this point where I wanted him to give up. Stop fighting for your wife man, she's done.

Now, to the parts I found relateable.

There was a scene early on in the movie where Cindy is rushing around the house attempting to get everyone out the door and Dean is encouraging Frankie to make a mess with her breakfast. Cindy's having to be the "parent" and really push to get things done. I think all of us mothers can relate to this. Dad's the fun one, always joking around. Mom's the one forcing us to get ready for school, eat your breakfast, etc.

I didn't really see a point to this when I watched last night, but the more I think about it, the more I think I get it now. In the movie, the dog has gotten out and eventually Cindy finds it on the side of the road. She's upset, Dean's upset and they lie to their daughter, understandable. Dean buries the dog and is very shaken up by having to bury the family pet and Cindy comforts him. Again, at the time I didn't see it, but I think we are getting to see that Cindy does want to still care for Dean. She did love him, and is upset with herself for not being able to love him anymore.

Would I recommend this movie? Yes, it really was very well put together, the actors did a great job and I liked watching it. I don't think I'd watch it again, but I like how I'm still thinking about it today.

4 out of 5 stars

Let me see if I'm tech savvy enough to post the trailer... Yeah, I am!!

Breaking the BBQ Tradition

2011-05-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sure we all have one of those things that just speaks to us. You, know, one of those talents that you have that nobody can do better. It just comes naturally to you. I have one...

Mine... mine is pot roast.

I made pot roast for dinner tonight. It was necessary. I felt it calling to me from the fridge. Put me in the dutch oven it said. No, really, it said this to me. I have a love affair with my dutch oven. If you don't have one, go get one, it will change your life. Whoever invented the single greatest kitchen utensil should be applauded. I'll do it now, I applaud you oh Master of the Cast Iron.

After I placed my meat ever so delicately (maybe I just plopped it in, but who's gonna tell) in my dutch oven, I turned my attention to the taters. I can't have pot roast without mashed potatoes. That'd be like a burger with no bun, vanilla ice cream with no chocolate sauce. It just wouldn't work. I have to give myself a little pat on the back here, I make the best mashed potatoes in the universe. I know what you're thinking, and yes, its true. THE BEST. Your mom doesn't do it better than me, your grandma doesn't do it better than me. Nobody can defeat my mashed potatoes. Dear Food Network, Call me!!

I figured with all this meat & taters going on, I needed to provide my family some sort of greenery, we needed a veggie to complete this glorious of all meals. Yeah, you guessed it. Fresh green beans slightly steamed then sauteed in butter. What? Butter's good for you.

The table was set, the family was somewhat patiently waiting for me to serve this masterpiece I was calling dinner.

I know what you're thinking. All this build up and I've somehow ruined my meal, right?

WRONG!

It was as if the angels were singing some hallelujah song. My meat was perfectly browned and breaking apart as only a perfect pot roast can do. The brown gravy was ridiculously thick and meaty, and oh, the taters, they were light and fluffy and magically made themselves into the perfect size volcano for the meaty gravy goodness that they knew were coming their way. The green beans never even touched my plate, they somehow floated out of the serving bowl right into my mouth (that could've been all the butter). It was a heavenly party in my mouth. I'm not usually one to gush about myself, but this meal deserved it. Every bite was followed by some sort of praise, to myself, from myself. Oh, Jenn, you've outdone yourself again, this meat is so tender and juicy. The potatoes, my god, you are a goddess! And, the gravy, stop licking the gravy boat (does anyone even have a gravy boat, I use a measuring cup), others might want some.

Yes, it was a glorious meal. All but one of us left the table with complete and utter satisfaction. The one, well, she doesn't like anything right now, but I know deep down that one day she's going to worship my pot roast & mashed potatoes just like the other two do.

Too funny

2011-05-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

#links

Wildy inappropriate, but I have writers block today so I thought I'd share this post by one of the other bloggers that I kinda stalk!

Because I love ya...

2011-05-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

Because I love you and want to make you smile, I'm going to share something of myself today that is sure to make you laugh. Get ready.

Last night my older daughter was asking if she looked like me. Yes, my sweet girl, you are the spitting image of me. I proceeded to share with her some of my childhood pics and compared them to her and she agreed we look alike.

So, just for you, because its a Friday and since I've got no shame, and we are all going to be judged tomorrow anyway...here are the pics we looked at last night.

This first one is for me, cause, damn I was cute...No, I don't know what happened either.

I remember this outfit, this was 6th grade. This year really stands out for me. This was the first year I was ever exposed to a bi-racial relationship. My teacher (hello Mrs. Pierce!) who was white was married to a black man and I was fascinated. They had a baby that year, so she was gone for a bit, but brought her baby to visit us one day. The scar on my chin was fresh. I fell off my bike that summer and ate a lot of pavement. Had to go to the hospital & everything. No stitches, but it left a mark.

This next one is a gem. A real thing of beauty I tell you! I don't have any memories from this one, I'm guessing maybe 4th or 5th grade? I do remember spending a lot of time practicing "doing" my hair, and wow, I did one hell of a job!

Happy Friday everyone!

Big Plans

2011-05-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

I somehow managed to miss the fact that the end of the world is this Saturday! You'd think with all the things I hear from the Hubster that this would've stuck. Nope. Guess I don't listen well. I vaguely remember him saying something, but then Maks flittered across my tv screen wearing tight pants and no shirt and I was instantly ~~attracted~~ distracted.

Well, then, I've got to get busy on my bucket list. Here are some things (in no particular order) that I'd like to have accomplished by the time I'm knocking on those gates ( I say knocking cause Lord knows they are not just gonna let me stroll in)!

1) I want to do a marathon of the greatest amusement parks. I love roller coasters and have never been to some of the biggest & baddest around.  Magic Mountain down in Valencia, (near Santa Clarita), I have never been. I've driven by it hundreds of times on the way to & from Disneyland, but have never made it in. They have this giant coaster with a black widow spider that looks like it would take your stomach and hand it back to you all smashed and squishy.  I'll take two please!

2) I'd like to be pushed out of an airplane. Yes, I said pushed. I want to skydive, but I don't think I could jump, so somebody come with me and give me a good shove.

3)  Maks could teach me to dance. That might be fun. Of course there would be strict dress code rules I'd have him adhere to. On second thought, scratch that, I want Maks to dance for me and I'll just sit and watch him shake his thing all over. Yes, that would definitely be more pleasing.

4) Bobby Flay and I would prepare my final meal. Can you imagine the Iron Chef coming into your house and cooking dinner.  Yum.  I would have a slab of cow (final meal remember) grilled to perfection, served with a rich, creamy, buttery bearnaise sauce. Oh my mouth is watering (that could be leftover from # 3 though).

That's all I've got for now. The images running rampant through my brain right now of Maks & Bobby is enough to make this girl swoon! I can't type when I'm swooning, just doesn't work!

How about you? Any plans for the annihilation of the world?

Dreaming...

2011-05-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those nights where you look around and think to yourself, "What did I get myself into here"? I had one of those last night. Kids were all in my business. They weren't being bad, they just missed me and were on me like little flies. Got me thinking, what if they weren't here? What if I wasn't here? What would I be doing? Where would I be?

I'd like to think that I was working for myself, I don't know what I'd be doing, but money wouldn't be a problem. I could go on vacations when I wanted. Maybe have some hunky lover who loved to cater to my ever whim and desire. I'd get to watch whatever I wanted on t.v. I wouldn't have to wait until late at night to watch the inappropriate shows.

I had a boy propose to me when I was 18, did I ever tell you that? Oh, that poor guy. I used him and abused him and he took it. He was too nice, let me just walk all over him. He bought me a cute little ring even, then I stomped all over his heart and ran the other direction when he started crying. I'm not one for men crying. Really freaks me out. Happy tears are ok, but sad tears, I can't hang. I wonder how long I would have strung him along if he hadn't gone all sappy and fallen in luuuuvvvvv.

You ever think about things like that? I like the decisions I've made. I like where I'm at. I just want it to be a little quieter sometimes.

Team Spirit

2011-05-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

When my hubby and I lived in Colorado I was introduced to the world of Hockey. I fell in love and I fell hard. Turns out I have a bit of a fetish for men who wear masks and lots of protective padding. As I am a loyal type, I've always been a big fan of the Avalanche (the 2000/2001 team in particular). They taught me the game and I will forever be in love with Patrick Roy, Joe Sakic, Chris Drury, Peter Forsberg, Adam Foote, Rob Blake and Ray Bourque.

I understand Team Spirit. I've got my Av's jersey and I'll rock it for the hubs when the mood is right. I can dish out the trash talk and can handle the trash talk back. What I can't handle is the offensive trash talk. I don't like to hear F*ck the Av's (or whomever). It upsets my delicate sensibilities. Give me, "they sucked last night", or all season in this case, but keep it clean. Defend your team, don't slander mine with such viciousness. I take that crap personally, especially that team. Those are my boys. Those Av's were (are) like my first loves. I need to protect them and maybe snuggle them next to my bosom, whatever.

In honor of the team that groomed me to be the hockey fan I am today here's a video of my boys:

Lord Stanley, I salute you.

The worst thing...(maybe I'm overreacting)

2011-05-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

I was going to say the worst thing ever, but decided since all ended well, I wouldn't get soooo dramatic.

I took my kids to the park after work today. We rode our bikes to what we affectionately refer to as "the sand park". You know, cause its got sand. We were the only ones there for a little bit, but after a few minutes the mother load of children showed up to play.

I was sitting in my normal spot, facing the sun, book in hand. Glancing up every now and then to spot my children. I feel pretty good about this park. It's in the shape of a circle with a fence that goes around the bottom half of the circle. There are lots of crepe myrtles, the street is not real busy, and really you can see every angle. I don't hover while at this park, I don't feel any reason to.

I didn't feel any reason to anyway, but today my youngest decided to freak my shit out.

I look up at one point and she's playing, running like a crazy lady after another little kid. I look up again a few minutes later and she's wondered over to the side, up on the sidewalk. I see her kinda bending over to be closer to the ground. I'm more focused on her now, wondering what she is doing. She continues to walk kinda hunched over, like she's trying to grab something low to the ground, but whatever it is keeps moving out of her reach. It's a little wiener dog, two of them, she's trying to grab one of them.

Of course she is. A strange little dog, who wouldn't want to grab it. I've gotten up at this point and am starting to holler her name, in my experience those little dogs are the ones that always bite. Especially the kid who is trying to grab it and squeeze it to death. That's when I notice the 40ish man walking in front of her, encouraging the dogs to follow him (there is no leash on either dog). He doesn't appear to be paying attention to the fact that my 5 year old is making herself at home in his little conga line of dog. They continue walking towards the street and I am now 10 feet behind screaming my child's name. Neither he nor her turn around to acknowledge the fact that somebody is screaming not 10 feet from them.

Now, I don't know if its a woman thing, but if I hear a mom start hollering her kids name, I'm going to look and see if I can spot something. This guy never did anything, just kept clapping his hands trying to get his dogs to stay with him. I'm sure he wasn't a kidnapper, but it really pissed me off. There is no way with me screaming and with her cooing to those dogs he didn't know that he had a follower. I know, my child is not his responsibility, but at some point don't you turn around and tell the little kid to go away? Especially when you can hear the shrill mom voice yelling right behind you. Hell, I told another kid to go away when she came to tattle about something my kids did.

I finally caught up to them and put the FEAR into my youngest. The guy just kept walking. And, again, I really don't think there was any harm coming her way, but I can't be 100% sure of that. We try and instill in our kids the whole stranger danger thing, but they don't get it. I don't know if they can get it. I can't remember all that I said to her, but the look on her face told me plenty. I freaked her out. We got on our bikes and left immediately after that.

I rode them both pretty hard on the way home. I was upset and taking it out on them by making them pedal faster and faster. We made it and of course I talked to my husband about it and again, I'm sure nothing was up. It was just an unsettling ending to the week.

Some are just S-T-OOOPID

2011-05-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

My husband was relaying something to me last night and it was one of those things I wished I'd been there for cause I sometimes I take immense pleasure from losing my shit on someone.

He went to the bank last night to withdraw some cash. Across the street was another bank and there were cops crawling all over that place. He came to the conclusion that a robbery had taken place. I would imagine that's the assumption we all would have made?

Instead of using the ATM he went inside to make the transaction. As the teller (who is the bank Manager BTW) is counting out the cash he is being loud and extravagant about it. Really raising his hand up and down as he counts, $1, $2, $3, you get the idea. So, my husband, says hey, can you quiet it down a bit, I don't want to get robbed on my way out of your bank. The guys responds laughing, that'll never happen.

Are you kidding me? Look across the street you moron. The bank across the street appears to have just been hit! This is where I would have loved to get in on the action. I would've taken that teller by his ear and dragged him across his little bitty counter and shoved his face against the store front windows and been like, see, bad things do happen!

Alas, none of these things happened. My husband pocketed his money and made it safely home to me, cash in hand.

And, since its Friday, I feel we should honor the bank robbers with a special little video treat!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3h5TEwUrFXI

General Rantiness

2011-05-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

You know what bothers me? Mother's Day. It bothers me. I'd like to request to not have it again. Just let me buy my own pretty presents when ever I want them and we'll call it even.

As I told you earlier we were gathering at my sisters house for breakfast, potluck, remember? I just find it annoying that I spent more than a couple hours Saturday slaving away in the kitchen for the next days breakfast. Nobody was forcing me to do any of this, but I knew if I wanted it done right (tasty anyway) I had to do it myself. Maybe I'm annoyed that I have to be in control like that? I put so much stress on myself for this type of gathering to go smoothly. I want everything to be perfect. I don't know why, nothing else in my life is perfect. It's weird, I know.

The other reason I want to give up Mom's Day is this (Husband, pay attention)...nothing happens on Mother's Day. The laundry doesn't get done, the dishes remain piled in the sink. The kids dirty socks remain scattered in a little line from the front door to the bedroom. Sure, it's nice and relaxing one day, but who ends up cleaning up on Monday? That'd be Mom. It's my firm belief that my husband & kids could live in filth, they'd be on the next Hoarders if it weren't for me. As I say this I can see my husband shaking his head, no we wouldn't, I'd clean it up. When? At what point does the mess finally get to you? I've seen all the beard trimmings you leave in the bathroom and I can say that the tiles are no longer visible, but still you ignore the mess.

Speaking of Hoarders, any of you watched that show? I've had to stop, those are some seriously messed up people and they make me want to throw things at the television. This however, applies to most "reality" tv shows. Stupid people make me angry and that's all that's on those shows. And oh my god, when will the American Chopper show be canceled? I cannot wait for those guys to get hit by a semi-truck while riding their motorcycles.Truck driver goes on a rampage and runs over Jr. & Sr. I'd watch that episode!

What's annoying you this week? Be honest, don't leave me hanging as the only grump in the neighborhood!

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

I hope all the Mom's out there have a great day.

I myself am off to the kitchen to slave away on making some crepes. I don't know why I do this to myself. Crepes are a labor intensive project, all the standing and twirling of a pan takes it right out of me (its exhausting, really). But, oh, they are so good and nobody else in this house can make them yet.

Then I am off to my sisters house to share the crepes I'm going to slave over. I'm confident there will be a mimosa served to me as a reward when I get there, so it's all good.

I've got my fingers crossed that I don't have to stick around long, I really am looking forward to sitting on my couch today and reading or maybe watching a movie.

Hope you all are treated well today!

Irrational Fear

2011-05-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

Is that right? Unrational, no, irrational. I've got it right. Anyway, I have this totally irrational fear and today I had to face it head on. Well, maybe not quite head on, but within at least 5 feet.

I've got some vacation time saved up, so I decided to make Mother's Day into a 4 day weekend. I slept in till 7 this morning, took a quick shower, got the girls ready for school and since its been so nice out the hubby and I decided to go for a strenuous hike. I know, right, a vacation day and I want to hike? But, we can't go with the girls, its a lot of uphill (that's an understatement) and they get too worn out.

We've got our bottles of water, I've got my super cute exercise shorts on (oh yeah), a hat, I'm totally ready. We start trudging up this hill. It'd really be nice if the parks department could make a walk where you gradually start climbing a hill vs a steep incline at the very beginning. We hadn't even walked 10 minutes and I thought my heart and lungs were going to explode out of my chest. My husband was funny, before we left the house he had asked me if I was going to bring my ipod, no I said, my cute shorts don't have pockets to put it in. I'm struggling up this hill and he asks me what I'm thinking about, are you kidding me, I can't talk now. I'm busy trying not to die.

So anyway, we continue on our way and when I feel like I can get a sentence out I say something. It's not anything real witty, more along the lines of: "Are we there yet, I can't feel my legs".

But then, we round a corner and my heart starts to beat even more erratically in my chest, my legs are subconsciously moving themselves as close to the edge of the trail as possible, and my husband starts to giggle.

There are COWS grazing right next to the trail. I HATE COWS. They scare the crap out of me. Husband of course thinks this is funny and I have now placed myself on the other side of him, when those cows decide to charge I want them to see him as a target and not me. I'm trying to make myself as small as possible. He of course is walking right up to them, not me, I'm booking up the hill now, those legs I couldn't feel before have come back to life.

Where did this ridiculous fear of cows come from you ask?

When I was 14ish or so, my mom & newish stepdad took all of us (6) for a hike at Henry Coe State Park. It's a beautiful place, down there by Morgan Hill. We were all having a great time, had a picnic lunch and were pretending to be a part of the Von Trapp family, the hills were alive folks. I specifically remember that one of my younger sisters was wearing a bright red shirt. I was leading the pack, merrily skipping along. To my left was this giant cow (turns out it was a bull, but really, aren't they all the same), at this time, I didn't know to fear him, I just continued walking along.

I did however, notice that this bull was taking an interest in us. He had turned his body so now he was walking with us. He started out walking, then trotting (at this point my entire family is walking more quickly) then that gigantic bull started running. You ever seen a bull run, those bad boys can RUN. I don't remember which parent started yelling at us to run, hell, it probably was both, but I was well on top of things. I was in the front of the pack, the wind was already whipping past my ears and I sprinted to get away from that bull. I looked back once to make sure I wasn't going to die and then I ran like I had (and never have again).

I continued to run for so long and so far that my family was gone. They were trampled to death as far as I knew. I was already mapping out in my head where the ranger station was so I could go for help. I finally stopped running when I came to a big metal gate. I climbed to the top of the gate, I had to be on the top so I could quickly jump over to the over side when that big old boy caught up with me. And I waited. My fingers were firmly grasping the top rung of this gate as my knees were knocking to much to be used for any type of support. I waited for what felt like hours, in fact it was only about 15 minutes, but my family finally came around a bend and they were all laughing.

Laughing hysterically in fact. Turns out that bull was too damn lazy to give chase for long, he gave up after about 5 seconds of running. My family had "supposedly" been yelling at me, but I never had a chance at hearing them. The blood pounding in my ears had left me deaf to all other noise. Deaf to outside noise; the voice in my own head telling me to run, run, run, run was crystal clear.

I however, had outrun my family by 15 minutes. That 15 minutes of sitting, frozen in fear, on that gate had completely left my muscles useless. I couldn't get off the gate. My stepdad

Things brings me back full circle to today. On our hike there were cows, at least 25 of them in all. I didn't run or scream in fear. I kept my head down, feet moving and somehow made it back to the car in one piece.

You can bet I'll think twice about going back to that area though, they let their cows just wonder around.

I'm a sidekick!

2011-04-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

I reread that title and I was like, no I'm not a psychic, I'm a SIDEKICK! Say it out loud, kinda sounds the same doesn't it? No, just me.

Anyway, you all know I'm an avid, almost stalkerish, reader, & commenter of many blogs. This got me thinking... I'm not funny. There are a few blogs that I follow and these people are really funny. Like, really funny. They write about the most random things, but its funny.

I don't know how to do that. I can't start off with funny. That's why I've decided that I'm a sidekick. I'm the one in the sidecar laughing hysterically while my dashingly funny hero(ine) says or does something funny and I continue to play off of it.

Last night I had one of those dreams where you wake up not knowing if it was a memory or just a dream. It was a work function where we were on a boat and the boss was giving out awards. He called my name and gave me an orange cone that said something on it. I walked up to gather my award and looked at my crony and said to her "Does that cone say sit here on it"? We both burst out laughing and I actually woke myself up I was laughing so hard. So tell me, did this really happen or is that what I wished had happened?

So, what does the above have to do with my sidekick theory you ask? Everything. My crony had started it off. I don't know what was said, but I was just continuing to play off of her.

I do this in real life too. I'm not funny until somebody starts me off. Gives me that platform to jump from and then I'm all over it. Once I'm running, I'm running. Like Forrest Gump, I was ruuunnning. I'm not the life of the party until somebody jump starts things. Then I quickly take over and am "that girl".

Oh and because its Friday. I have a gratuitous photo to share.

Hell to the O folks.

Grudges - Caution there are bad words in this one

2011-04-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

Oh folks. I've been working on this post for quite some time now and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Do I really want you all to know my quirks, the ins and outs of this pondering pisces?

Hell yeah I do!

I hold grudges. Big ones. I don't know anyone who can hold a grudge like I can. I'm the best. We all have to have something, right? I can hold it so good and so long that you won't even know I'm still carrying it around. Now, most of my grudges are towards my family and I sometimes feel a little bad about it. Like, I should just come out and let them have it, right?  Clue them into why I am the way I am around them. Um, what would be the fun in that? How could I harbor this grudge if I filled them in on it? That's not the point of the grudge.

So, here we go. In no particular order, here are my grudges:

1) I haven't spoken to my father in (busily counting fingers) 15 years. He doesn't know where I live, he doesn't know his grand kids, he doesn't know me at all. That guy is one crazy fuck. And I hold a grudge. Why couldn't he just be some what normal. He thinks he's a prophet. Yeah, like one of those guys from the bible. He made my early teen years miserable. I didn't have friends that would come over to my house cause he was certifiably nuts. He used to (he still might, what do I know) say that he got to decide who goes to heaven and who to hell. Can you imagine being a teenager with THAT?? I have a Mormon (yeah, she's the black sheep) sister who still keeps in contact with him and I hear other crazy things. Chinese assassins are coming after him cause he deciphered some ancient Chinese code. Oh, okay. I feel bad that my kids don't know him, I feel bad that he can't be in our lives. I also feel bad cause I really think he has no idea why he's not in my life.

2) My mother. Oh, my mother. She is something else. I love her. I do. She's my mom, but wow, I have a grudge with her for leaving me with that crazy fuck above (see #1). She left me and my 3 little sisters when I was 11. Instantly, I was called upon to be the mother to them.  What the fuck? I didn't talk to her for a whole year. Not once. I still have a lot of trouble with her. She remarried a guy who is the same as the one she left. Totally controlling, thinks he knows everything. It's really sad to see, its like she doesn't have her own personality, she bends herself to be what he wants. I find I censor myself around the two of them because I just don't have the patience for the bullshit. I feel I kinda lost track here, I'm overwhelmed with all the grudges I have with my mother and I don't feel I can adequately express them in this one little paragraph.   But, for you, I'll try. She wasn't there when I needed to go bra shopping for the first time. Oh my god, please mothers, don't send your girls with their dads, nobody needs to feel that uncomfortable. She is constantly trying to get me to talk shit about my husband. Listen lady, I know you are not truly happy with your marriage, but please stop trying to wreck mine. If I call you to vent, just listen, don't feed the beast with your negativity.

3) Random friend. We'll call her Xtina. She was my bestest buddy all through school.  I lived at her house. Her brothers took me to school. Her parents helped me out when I need it. I was one of the family. Or so I thought. I moved out of the area and I couldn't keep up a one sided friendship. You know what I'm talking about, right?  Two people in the relationship and only one of them is the one to attempt to keep the friendship alive. I called, I wrote letters (remember, this was back in the days before e-mail was for everyone). I sent a Christmas card to her family every year. I never heard one thing back. Not one. A few years ago she randomly tracked me down through another mutual friend. It happened to be my birthday, so I invited her along. What a mistake. That girl turned into a lush. I like to drink, and I know what I like. This girl, drank, but she was one of those who wants to try new things, which is fine if you are footing the bill. But, this wasn't one of those times. I was footing the bill. It was in the hundreds of dollars (food and about 10 people) and she didn't pitch in anything. Others did, which I so appreciate, but seriously, I don't know how many drinks she sent back, and you still get charged for those you dumb ass. Anyway, we ended that night and I didn't say anything (yes, I'm the dummy here) and I didn't try to make contact again, and neither did she. Until recently. She sent me an e-mail, just checking in, but I'm still kinda pissed and haven't responded.

Do you ever go back and re-read something and you think to yourself, hot damn, what just happened? Um, yeah, that just happened.

Thanks for listening and remember, if you piss me off, I'm going to hold it against you forever.

The Classics

2011-04-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

I'm slowly introducing my children to classic cinema. You know, Young Frankenstein, Little Monsters and most recently to Spaceballs.

It is so funny to watch a movie like Spaceballs with a 9 year old. I think that the movie is funny, but its lost some of its appeal with me. I don't laugh out loud anymore, a mild chuckle is all they'll get from me. But, watching it with my 9 year old is hysterical. It's very funny to sit and watch HER watch the movie! She laughs like a crazy lady. Rick Moranis with his giant helmet crashing into a wall is the funniest thing in the world to her. Oh goodness, and don't forget the ring that he wears to shrink the "privates". HaHaHa!

It's those moments that I cherish as a mother. Watching my child truly enjoy themselves watching a silly movie.

Maybe this week we'll watch History of the World Part II!

In which we talk about BOOBS

2011-04-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

I know, right? Catchy title, but trust me, so appropriate for what I'm going to discuss with you right now. If you don't like boobs, you should probably leave. Like right now. Go.

I nursed both of my girls. The younger for much longer than the older. Her choice. She didn't want to give up "the juice".  I feel we stopped at an appropriate age, she was under 1 and we were both done.

However, I think all the time on the juice might have created some sort of boob monster.  She's fascinated by them. She can't wait to get her own.

Her little brain is totally in tune with my shower in the morning. Without fail, when I get out of the shower in the morning she will be waiting for me, them.  It's like she's in a trance, I wrap a towel around my head, fun bags flopping all over (yes, I felt you needed that) and she's there. Her little fingers reaching towards me, "Mom, are your boobs awake?" Um, no, they aren't, can you please not touch me. It's the same thing EVERY morning, a little tap, a little poke.

When she was younger if you picked her up, she'd stick her little hands down the front of your shirt. She do this to anyone, not only me. My sisters were constantly pulling her chubby little hands out of their shirts. We all learned not to wear low cut shirts around her.

She's gotten better with age I suppose. She doesn't reach in others shirts. At least not as much.  There are still times if you are wearing a distracting shirt, she's going to let you know that she likes your boobs, or that their big, or that they are hanging down.  Just say thank you and please don't touch me there, its inappropriate.

Also let her know, that one day, hers will hang down too, its inevitable.

I like...

2011-04-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

It's so crummy outside and I feel crummy (no, I haven't been snacking) on the inside so I've decided to cheer myself up with a list of things I like. My magical mind power of positive thinking will work wonders, I'm sure.

I like the smell of my sweater today. It smells like me and I smell Beautiful. I keep holding it up to my nose and breathing me in.

I like things that are classically beautiful, red roses and round cut diamonds for example.

I like tortilla chips and salsa. This should actually be a love. I love tortilla chips and salsa. I could eat them everyday.

I like the way a new baby smells. Their little heads are so sweet and I just like to breathe them in. Somebody have a baby, I want sniff its head.

I like to read romance novels. Lots of them.  Not historical romances though, I'm not really into those. Dukes & corsets don't do it for me.

I like to lay by the pool and work on my tan. This isn't restricted to laying by a pool, it can really be any body of water, or hose even. I like to lay there and read my smutty romance novel until I'm sweating so bad I can't take it anymore, then jump in the water, cool off and then start the process all over again.

I like to bake. I like to eat what I bake too.  I'm not a fancy baker though, simple stuff is more my speed, cause as much as I like to bake I don't want it to take all day. I want it to be done so I can eat it.

What about you?   What do you like?

Part 3

2011-04-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

The summer sun was finally sinking below the skyline, the evening breezes that were common among this area would finally offer their relief from the oppressing heat. She would sure appreciate it. The cotton sundress she had on was a favorite, but was stinking in places it wasn't supposed to. She'd like to feel some measure of comfort before walking into the club to meet her next in a long line of internet dates. This was not her idea of a good time, but wasn't having any luck meeting anyone on her own.

She made her way inside the swanky nightclub. This was not her choice. This place was for slinky metallic dresses and 4 inch heels, not cotton sundresses with flat sandals. It was obvious what her date was looking for by coming to this place. Oh, this should be fun. She made her way to the bar and ordered up a beverage, something strong enough to take the edge off, but not enough to lose her wit. She was just taking her first sip when he caught her eye. This guy didn't belong here either, dark jeans and a black t-shirt, she was surprised he was allowed inside. The intimidating look in his eye probably had a lot to do with how he did get in. She turned away so she wasn't caught staring and went in search of her date.

She was becoming somewhat annoyed in her search for her date, if he was going to be running late he could have called, but now she was stuck wondering around this club, drink in hand looking a bit lost. Not the way she wanted to present herself on a first date. She was just about to sit down and give up when someone tenderly grabbed her elbow. She instantly turned around and came within inches of Mr. Intimidating himself. He ever so casually took her drink out of her hand, placed it on a table and led her onto the dance floor.

The music was some sort of techno pop, not something you could easily sway to, but that's exactly what he was doing. One hand held onto hers, the other had dropped low to her hip, and he just swayed. No care in the world that they were the only two people not bumping and grinding on each other, but gently moving their bodies against each other to their own music. Knees to chest, their bodies touching. She moved her hand beneath his shirt, fingers splayed, needed to feel his skin on hers. No words passed between them, it wasn't necessary, this dance was a conversation all its own.

When he bent his head to hers and touched her lips with his own, she gave up all pretense of control and let herself go. The hand underneath his shirt now grasped at him, the other wound itself around his neck and pulled him closer, she took control of that kiss and parted his lips with her tongue. There were not two people on this dance floor any longer, they had merged themselves so closely together it was as if they were one. He reluctantly pulled his head back up and rested his forehead on hers, eyes closed, breathing deeply.

Part II

2011-04-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

He backed away from her, faster than he would've liked, but didn't have a choice. If he stayed he didn't think he'd be able to stop with just a kiss to her neck. This attraction to her would stop. He willed it to stop. He was stronger than this. Why wouldn't she stay away from him? Thank god she didn't know he only lived two blocks away from that alley! As much as he'd like to take her back to his place, it wasn't going to happen. The time wasn't right, he was going to leave soon, he had his orders. Another mission, he didn't know where yet. Just because he had the papers didn't mean he had read them. His team needed him focused, they relied on him to lead them. He could afford zero distractions, and she, she was a distraction.

She couldn't believe she went there. She knew he lived nearby, and hadn't really meant to end up in that alley, but it was as if her legs & feet took over and brought her to that spot. It wasn't like she knew he was going to be there, but the magnetic pull was too strong to resist. She practically begged him for Pete's sake. That "please" came out before she could stop it. She didn't like that she had to beg for his attention. But, oh lordy. The feel of his strong hands on her arms and his lips on her neck, she could've died right then and been happy. She knew that if he'd just give her a chance she'd make him happy. Obviously the problem wasn't sexual chemistry; they had plenty of that to power a small city! She'd figure something out, she wasn't going to give up that easily. She quickly put on her comfy clothes, climbed into bed and thought about the night they'd first seen each other.

I don't even know...

2011-04-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

He could sense her now, feel her heart beating as she walked between the buildings. Didn't she know to be alone on this street was dangerous? He knew though, she couldn't stay away. She needed him as much as he needed her. It was a need that couldn't be fulfilled, but oh, to have just one moment.

He was there, hidden in the shadows, right behind her now. She stopped and whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible... Please. He couldn't resist, the pull to be near her was too strong. He silently walked out from the shadows and stood behind her. Gently ran his fingertips up her arm. The goosebumps he raised only enticed him more. Back down her arm, his hands stronger, intertwining their fingers this time when he got to her hands. He pulled her back into the shelter of his body, hands still joined, and pressed a single kiss to her neck. Felt her exhale the breath she had been holding.

He lingered there for just a moment enjoying the feel of her body pressed to his. This was all there was to be. They both knew it. Just as quickly as he had come, he left. She had her head hung down low, one single tear leaving a trail down her cheek.

Duct Tape

2011-04-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

This is one of those times where I need some duct tape. I need it over my mouth, y'all. My mother-in-law is in town and I've been drinking. Heavily.

She's sitting on my couch, my small children all nestled in her giant arm pits. Yo, they need a bath.

My husband has run downstairs under the guise (is that a word) of "I need to check the oil".

Um, I need to check the oil, think my gears be a squeaking.

I've been texting my stepdad, who under normal circumstances I wouldn't talk to, but in times of complete mockery, he's my go to guy. I sent him a picture text of my big ass beer, and his response was "That's my girl".

I drink a big beer and then I'm his girl????

I gotta go. I've got a cheese pizza to cut up.

I was walking through Target with hubby saying "NUM,NUM,NUM,NUM". He was slightly embarrassed. I was laughing.

I'm my own favorite comedian.

She's here until Saturday I learned. They'll be more of these.

Peace out.

Ramblings

2011-03-29T11:56:00.000-07:00

Today is a weird day. Can't put my finger on it. I'm in a good mood, the sun is shining, but something is weird. Is it me or is it you? Maybe I slept too good and now my subconscious is mingling with my conscious and I'm perplexed. My thoughts are all jumbled, so please bare (see, that made me giggle, weird) with me as I attempt to figure this out.

I yelled at a stranger last night. He fully deserved it. I don't feel guilty about it at all. Quite the opposite in fact. I want to have another chance encounter and do it all over again. I've got some choice words that didn't get their turn last night.

My husband had his A-game on last night. Chores, homework, dinner, it was all done. I want it to happen again tonight, but I don't think it will.

I've got a blog that I follow. I don't check in with her everyday, but it's weird. It's like a train wreck that I can't help but watch. I'm not entertained, in fact I think that if this girl is as she portrays on her blog she's a moron. But yet, I haven't deleted her blog. It's like some of those reality shows, you know the ones I'm talking about. They make you angry, but yet you still watch. That's kinda what this girl is to me. She's a reality show that I hate, but I watch.

I wonder what this blog will turn into. I'm not worried about it. I'm having fun. I can tell you what it won't be. It's not gonna be some dumb chick rambling about stupid stuff.

Oh wait.

Shit.

Dissension among the ranks

2011-03-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

My two girls have my husband whipped. They've got him all tied up in knots, not knowing whether he's coming or going. Most times I'll just sit back and watch. He's got to learn to dig his feet in the sand and become an immovable object. I can only give so many lessons and then I'm going to take over, my way.

There is a general rule in my house that on Friday's before I get home from work that all general house cleaning be done. It don't expect perfection, but I do expect tidiness. The basics, shoes where they belong, backpacks put away for the weekend.

On Friday when I got home the girls room had been neglected. I took a moment, grabbed their dirty clothes and did as always, "get your room picked up".

I went about making dinner Friday as I had a new recipe, so my husband took over the nagging of the children.

He's a terrible nagger. He kept telling the kids "I'm gonna count to 3", 1...2...if you don't pick up this room...but there was never a 3 and I never heard what the "IF" was. I let this go on for about an hour.

Then I lost my shit. I marched into the kids room (and yes, hubby was still standing there counting to 2) and said in my best mom voice: YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES TO CLEAN THIS ROOM, IF IT'S NOT CLEAN IN 15, I'M COMING BACK IN HERE WITH A TRASH BAG. I'LL THROW ANYTHING LEFT ON THE FLOOR AWAY.

They got me a kitchen timer for x-mas this past year, it's shaped like a carrot. I think they are regretting this gift.

15 minutes went by, the whole time my husband is standing there doing what he thinks is his best to motivate his small children. I in the meantime, have grabbed a trash bag. That timer dinged and I was on them like white on rice. I was like the Tasmanian devil, turning from here to there grabbing handfuls of whatever and shoving it in my trash bag. At this point the 5 year old has caught on that I'm serious and is frantically trying to spot her items and get them in her hands before I do. I did let her beat me in the hand race to the little stuffed bunny, I'm nice like that. The 9 year old however, just stood there, crying, telling me how unfair I was being.

This is when my husband broke that all important parenting rule. He showed dissension in the ranks. When my bag was full, I turned to head out of their room and he stopped me. He says, what can the girls trade you for some of the items in the bag? You picked up some of their favorite toys. I'm sorry, did I stutter? I thought I made it perfectly clear that any item left on the floor would be trash. There is no trading, there's no take-back, there's no showing any sign of weakness in front of the small children.

Oh, husband, how you have failed me. I (now in my stern mom voice) made it clear that what's in the bag is trash, nothing would be leaving this bag. To make it more clear, I have now set the bag down and tied the drawstring, twice.

He proceeded to badger me about this all night. I went to bed and he was still trying to get me to give things back, in particular, this stuffed horse that we bought the older one.

I got up the next morning and hopped in the shower. When I got out the older one was waiting for me to hit me up about trading. I looked at her and asked if she had been talking about this with daddy. Yes, mom. I again, made it clear to everyone that this is how it goes in our house.

I've since talked to my husband about this and he feels bad and is apologetic, but I know this will happen again.

What about you, any experience with a mutiny? How'd you handle it?

Rhonda

2011-03-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

When my folks got divorced and my mother moved away, I took over as the "mom". I cooked, I cleaned, I took care of my 3 younger sisters. My sisters would go visit my mom, but I was too pissed off, I didn't see her face or hear her voice for an entire year. (I hold grudges well). (It's a gift).

I was a young girl, I had refused my mother, but I still desperately craved that female bond. I found it with Rhonda.

Rhonda was mine. I didn't have to share her with anyone. Rhonda was (totally guessing) in her late twenties when I met her. She was pregnant with a little boy and had a cute little dog and best of all, she lived right behind us.

In a way she adopted me. I'd go over everyday after school and do my homework. I'd walk her dog. In return I got someone who let me be. She didn't nag me to talk about anything. We were totally content sitting on the couch watching t.v. She'd sometimes talk to me about her family, they all lived in Wisconsin. She might move back there one day she'd say.

She never voiced it, but I knew she really hated my dad. When I would go over to her house I could easily sneak and go in through her back door, but when I left, she always made me go the long way out the front and around the block. I don't think she wanted my dad to know where I was. I think she might have been a little afraid of him, I was afraid of him. He wasn't nice to women, it was a justifiable fear.

One day she was gone. I don't know how I missed her moving out, but I did. I ran over to her back door and it was locked. Her car was gone and I could see in the windows that all her things were gone. I sat on her back porch and cried.

I was alone again. I'd stay alone for a long time.

Things I wish

2011-03-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

1) I wish I could play an instrument. I don't even care what kind, I just wish I could play. Or sing for that matter. I wish I didn't have to have the radio playing so loud I can't hear myself sing.

2) I wish I had more time and energy to devote to cooking. I really enjoy the weekends when I can devote as much or as little time as I'd like to preparing a meal.

3) I wish that my family would be as open minded as I view myself. To not have to censor myself at a family gathering would be euphoric.

4) I wish that I had the option to give my kids anything they asked for. I know that I wouldn't, but to know that I could would be something. On that same line of thinking I'd like to be able to treat myself and to not feel guilty when I do.

5) I wish I could be more confident in my own abilities. I wish I felt that I had the power to do and be anything. It's annoying being trapped inside my own head.

What about you? Anything you wish for?

BANG!

2011-03-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

I've never thought of myself as being very creative. I don't look at popsicle sticks and see Christmas ornaments.

I do have a very active & wildly imaginative subconscious.

When I was a teen my family & I were sitting around the dining room table playing a game. One of those where you would have to write down the most likely answer. You know what I'm talking about, right?

I was sitting there telling my family about a nightmare I'd had the night before. I'd do this often, talk about my nightmares, it seemed to help with the amount of recurring nightmares. So, I'm sitting there, going into graphic detail reliving the horror of the snakes. I'd share with you the graphic details now, but I don't want to talk about it.

Next card is read in our game and have you guessed what it said yet? "Who in your group is most likely to dream of snakes?" I kid you not. We all looked at each other and burst out laughing. I stopped talking, the game had just started and if this was how it was going to go, I wasn't going to give anyone an easy answer.

My point in all this rambling is that I still am plagued with horrifying nightmares. Aren't you supposed to out grow nightmares kinda like acne? It eventually goes away??

Last nights nightmare was particularly disturbing. It was a large group of people that included myself and 2 children. We were hiding in this F.B.I. "safe house". I was there cooking (in the bathroom of all places). Both of the girls were with me in this cramped bathroom making pasta of some sort when we start to hear shouting and gunfire. I know that whoever is shooting is looking for us and we have to hide. I huddle both kids into the bathtub and throw a towel over the top of our heads. I'm holding them as tight as I possible can whispering over & over to not open their eyes no matter what. Don't open your eyes, don't open your eyes, I hear the bathroom door open, don't open your eyes, don't open your eyes, the gun cocks, don't open your eyes, don't open your eyes and that's when I sat straight up in bed. Looked at the clock and decided 4:30 wasn't too early to get up.

What about you? Plagued by nightmares? Deep, dark fears creep up on you?

The one that got away

2011-03-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

In the summer of 2004 I got pregnant for the 2nd time. This time I was ready. I had planned this one. This one was going to be the little sister my daughter needed. I felt great, everything was going just as I wanted.

Then I got thirsty. Like really thirsty. There was no amount of water that would quench this thirst. I had to start carrying around multiple bottles of water. Heaven help those around me if I ran out of water, I'd run you over to get to the nearest (pond) drinking fountain. For those that know me, I always have water on hand. This was different, I had never been this dependent on water.

This in-quenchable thirst went on for a month. At this point, I knew something wasn't right. I'd had a baby and this wasn't something I'd experienced before. I was just trying to continue as normal and wait out the few more days for my first prenatal appointment.

It was a Monday when I started bleeding. Not enough to be worried about, but coupled with this crazy thirst, I knew something was up.

I miscarried baby number 2 on July 22nd, my wedding anniversary. I was strong though, this wasn't going to get me down. Sent my husband off to work and I took myself to the doctor.

My blood type is O Negative. I don't think (& this is just my opinion) that O Neg is as rare as it once was. But, it does come with its own set of problems. Because I lost the fetus I had to run over to the hospital and have lots of blood drawn to make sure that my blood wasn't converting. To this day I still don't understand what this means.

All I know is that on this day I had lost a baby, was alone and being stabbed in the arm by a sadist phlebotomist. I was strong though, not one tear. I had things to do and this wasn't going to slow me down.

My blood results came back and I was fine. I just needed to get one more shot (at this point, what's one more, in my butt you say, even better) and I'd be free to go. Drawers dropped, quick minute later the nurse handed me a business card and off to work I went.

I don't like to cry. I especially don't like to cry in front of people. Any people. Family, friends, strangers, when I'm crying they are all the same.

That's exactly what I did when I got to work and finally looked down and read what was on this business card. It was one of those "Medic Alert" cards. One you carry around in case you are in an accident, it lists out medications and such. My card was to notify anyone that I'd received Rogam (spelling anyone), its something to do with my Rh negative blood type and please if anyone can offer a little clarity. There was a little section for reasons and the nurse had put a check mark next to "aborted pregnancy".

I read that card over & over tyring to make sense of it. I hadn't aborted anything. I wanted it. That's when I totally lost it. Standing at my desk where everyone could see me. Great big sobs were being torn form my body. They were coming from deep down in my womb where my child was supposed to be growing.

One person was brave enough to come up and put their arms around me. They pried that business card from my now flailing arms and just held on while I cried for the child that wouldn't be.

After what felt like hours I pulled myself together and went home. At home I had to put on my brave face again. Prove to myself and my husband that I was as strong as when I'd left the house earlier that morning. I made sure to only cry at night when I was alone. I'm not sure why I had to prove anything. It's not like I was in a contest, a contest to see who could make it the longest without crying. I deserved to cry, but I still felt guilt over it. I still do occasionally. I think I even have a little grudge against my husband, why couldn't he see that I was precariously walking a tight rope of emotions? I needed help, I needed someone to talk to.

Guess that's what I just did. Thanks for listening.

Good News!

2011-03-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

It's raining outside, but inside, where it matters, is all sunshine & roses!

For the first time in 8 years we were given good news about our Little Bit!

The doc could see improvement in her heart function from 2 years ago! The word transplant has been crossed out of our vocabulary! Won't be necessary! Yeah!!!

I'd forgotten what hope feels like. I like it. It makes me feel good.

I've got to go run now. I've got to come up with some activities so the natives don't get bored.

Dirty little secret

2011-03-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

A long, long time ago, when I was in high school I was obsessed with s-e-x. I hadn't done IT so I didn't really get what all the fuss was about. I had this girlfriend who had a steady boyfriend who was having lots of the s-e-x. She wasn't a great friend, so I was too embarrassed to admit to her that I hadn't done it. She thought I had and I didn't say anything to change her mind. In fact I did the complete opposite. We'd sit at lunch time and her and I would write down "stories" of what we had done. In high school I was well on my way to becoming the next great erotic author!

Are you ready for my big confession? Do you have a guess as to how I did it?

Beatrice Small.

I devoured her books like there was no tomorrow. I have an Aunt who used to (still does) read a romance novel a day. She would give them all to me (the only other avid reader). Back then Beatrice was still writing her wildly popular Skye O'Malley saga. Skye O'Malley taught me everything I needed to know to get through those high school lunches. The graphic details I was able to contribute make me blush just thinking about it!

Eventually the fascination of writing the next great romance wore itself out and that friend and I grew apart.

My love for all things Beatrice Small wore out too. That same Aunt just recently gave me one of her new saga's and I really tried to read it. I had to give up about 45 pages in. I couldn't read the words "love juices" without snickering and thinking back to my aspiring novelist days.

Rapture

2011-03-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this today:

"rapture of cruelty that is love"

I really like it. I keep repeating it in my head.

Then I think to my own life, have I ever had any spiritual or emotional ecstasy? I'm not sure. It sounds too erotic to refer to the birth of my children. And I know that some women have achieved orgasm from birth (impressive), but I was definitely not one of them.

My wedding? I don't know. I was really too nervous/excited/hot (July, big poofy dress, mistake!) to take stock of my emotions.

Hmm. Where was I going with this?

Rapture of cruelty that is love. Maybe I'll stop over thinking and just appreciate the beauty of those words strung together.

Mushy, Mushy Love

2011-03-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Bitty,

You have a big doctor appointment this Friday and as much as I try to not worry, I still do. I'm sorry if I am smothering you this week, but I just want to smoosh your little face into my chest and hold you there forever. I'm also sorry for all the kisses and love notes in your lunch box. I'm sure you are getting to an age where this kind of display is embarrassing, but I can't help it. Just hang tight a few more days, I'll be back to normal soon.

You are my bright and shiny star and I wish I was eloquent enough to put the big old smooch I have inside me into words for you.

I love you more than anything in the whole world.

Love,
Mom

A trip down memory lane

2011-03-14T08:35:00.000-07:00

When I was ten years old my folks were members of a time share. It wasn't a membership to a big fancy hotel, no, it was a membership to the "R" Ranch. Imagine bunk houses, community kitchens and lots of camping spots.

I loved it there. We'd go horseback riding in the morning and swimming in the afternoon.  We'd go to the Klamath river my dad would fish while my sisters and I picked blackberries and just ran amok. It was the perfect spot for a 10 year old tomboy. We spent massive amounts of time there, but that summer we spent our entire summer vacation. 3 months. My dad still worked so he came up every weekend, but my mom had to keep us occupied all week long (I sometimes wonder how she did it, but then I remember the pool with an arcade, so maybe it wasn't so bad).

At the time we had an old Dodge camper van. You remember them? It had the tiny kitchen and a pull out bed and a little toilet in the back? This is where my mom slept each night. My sisters and I slept in a big green tent.

One morning as I was all snug and content in my sleeping bag I woke up to a weird noise. I knew it had to be morning cause it was light outside, but the sun wasn't shining.

I laid there now, intently listening trying to figure out what this weird sound was. I couldn't figure it out.  I don't know how long it took me, but I finally figured it out! Airplanes! There were airplanes flying right over my tent!  What were airplanes doing flying over my tent? That didn't make any sense.  We'd been here a good month by now and I don't remember ever hearing airplanes this close before. I got up.

And I ran.

To my mother of course. She'd be able to explain why the airplanes are flying right over the top of my tent.

Turns out it wasn't an airshow. We were having what would be the first, in a long line of many, summer thunderstorms. I loved thunderstorms! The thunder rumbling, the lightning crackling, to sit inside and watch was a thrill my 10 year old self could hardly stand. While my sisters had their little faces buried into my mother, I had my nose pressed against the windshield of that old Dodge van. I had a front row seat to my own concert! I was a thunderstorm groupie, where those clouds went, I would follow.

Bob, our camping neighbor across the "street" was sitting outside watching it too. And oh, was it a good one. I was having a blast, wiggling in my seat like a little puppy. I was almost antagonizing those clouds, little bolt of lightning here, just a hint of a rumble of thunder. Counting it out for my mom and sisters, you know, cause they weren't seeing it like I was, they couldn't quite tell how close it was being as buried as they were.

And then, because I was such a pestering little thing. A bolt of lighting came shooting out of those clouds, this one was meant for me, I just know it. It came sizzling and sparking and blasted into a tree not 50 feet from where my nose was now smashed against the glass.

The scream that came hurling out of my body was unlike anything anyone had ever heard and likely will ever hear again! It was a contagious scream, cause it got the 4 other females in the van screaming just as loudly. In the space of 1.2 seconds my mom had the sliding door on that van opened, we all hopped out and in unison screamed: "BOB, CAN WE COME OVER?"

I think about this now and I wonder, why did we want out of the van? Why did we want to go to Bob's little RV? He was parked on the same side as the now smoldering tree. But, Bob lived here all year long, surely this little storm would pass soon and we'd go horseback riding and swimming. He'd give us the reassurance we were looking for.

Ha! What was he going to do? He was an old man with a little dog, his RV was closer to the burnt tree than our van was!

But, it was the camaraderie, all of us sitting under his awning, his little dog in my lap, my nose now easily able to turn and see all the lightning flashing around us.

We went and stayed in the bunk house that night. That summer storm lasted all day.  There was no horseback riding or swimming for us that day. I'm not sure what my sisters day, but I know what I did.

I spent the rest of that summer day laying on my stomach, nose pressed tight against a sliding glass door.

I-G-N-O-R-A-N-C-E

2011-03-11T13:27:00.000-08:00

I've been in a bad mood today. I've been trying to shake it, but anger has got a hold on me today.

Ignorance.

That one word has set me on fire.

As a parent you have sole responsibilty for the health and welfare of your children. You. Only you.

I'm thinking about taking yours away from you though. You don't deserve them. You're not good enough.

I don't believe that kids have the capabilities necessary to process a traumatic event. Whether that event happens to them or to someone they love. They will need your help. Yes, I'm talking to you, the parent, again. It is not okay to ignore the problem. It's not okay to think that because a child is young that they don't understand. Trust me, they get it.

Help them to remember what it is to be a child. Childhood is meant to be full of barbies and race cars and making chocolate chip cookies. Do not let them lose that. In the end, if your child had lost what it means to be a kid, its not the traumatic event to blame. Its you. It is all your fault, and yes, your child will blame you.

So, lose the ignorance folks. It's really not that hard. Start thinking big picture. Start talking to your kids. Start acting like a parent. And, because I am so gracious, you feel you can't shake the ignorance, come see me. I'll get you ~~knocked~~ straightened out.

Think that's enough for our first session.

I'm gonna run and go get my old faithful louisville slugger shined up. I have a feelin' I'll be needed him soon.

Doomsday

2011-03-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

Do you hear the Jaws theme music in you head?

You should.

My hubby is totally, absolutely, without a doubt convinced the end of the world (as we know it) is upon us. Me, I listen to what he says, but am trying to be a bit more optimistic. I do however enjoy all the different conspiracy things he shows me. Some of them are really interesting and thought provoking.

Take the Denver airport for instance. Have you ever noticed the murals painted on the wall? They're a bit disturbing. Why these murals? Is there some hidden message? Take a peek. http://swagbucks.com/?t=i&p=1&b=0&q=Denver+airport+murals

Anyway, the reason I bring this up today...The family was sitting at the dining room table last night and as I looked around the room I noticed all the food. I'm not talking cans of green beans or some pasta roni boxes. I'm talking boxes 2x3 feet stacked up in one corner, taller than me. On top of this 5' tower of boxes were giant coffe cans of macaroni & cheese and green beans. I'm not bothered by the fact my hubby wants us to be prepared for an emergency. I'm bothered that its taking up so much of my limited space!

I feel like I live with a hoarder. Every little nook & cranny in our place is filled with some sort of emergency preparedness paraphinalia. I'm not just talking about food either. How many months of feminine products do you have stored, I have 6 months worth. How bout vitamins, bandaids, razors, deodorant? End of the world comes, I'm still gonna smell pretty & have shaved legs!

So, then I start thinking.

Lets say hubby is right. I don't know anybody else who has done any sort of hoarding/stocking up. Do I turn those friends & family away when they come to me hungry and needing a good shave? Hubby of course says "hell yeah, I've been warning them for months".

Are you prepared?

Would you turn your loved ones away?

Happily never after

2011-03-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

One of my all time favorite movies is The Village. Oh how I love that movie. It's sweet, it's spooky (you weren't a little freaked out)? The porch scene, are you kidding me! I've watched that one scene alone on youtube so many times its not funny.

My one problem with it (and this happens a lot); I don't feel it gave me closure. Sure, Ivy made it back to the village with the medicine for Lucious, but that was it. I didn't get to see Lucious wake up and give Ivy a big 'ol thank you kiss. I NEED to see it. Playing it out in my head isn't good enough, I need to have that visual confirmation. M. Night, please get to work on this, thank you very much.

Same rings true for books. I loathe the current trend of authors doing series books. I realize they are in it for the money, not me, I'm in for that 3-4 hours of escapism. I want it to end. Really end. Give me all that closure. Hell, you can even finish it up with a: And they lived happily ever after.

I don't feel I'm asking for much. Life is too hard as it is to not have all that sweet gooey love available for my own viewing pleasure.

Reasoning

2011-03-09T07:39:00.000-08:00

I lay in bed last night thinking about why I wanted to share myself on a blog.

I don't have any other "outlet". Sure, I've got people I could talk to, but do any of those people really get it? Can they listen without immediately putting their own opinion & spin on things. No. Can any of us do that? I don't think so.

Take for instance this gal in my life. Love her to death, but I feel she is constantly trying to pull my husband & myself apart. Like I need to pick a side, either her side or his side. I think I've made it pretty clear who's side I'm on.

I got a text message, "call me when you're alone". Alone, in my house? You've got to be joking! I called her the next day, no response. I then get an e-mail, your husband said something to me that really bothering me, but I'll wait to tell you.

Honestly, if it's something you feel you have to "gear up" to tell me. DON'T BOTHER. It's bothering you, not me.

What good could possibly come from telling me? Will it make you feel better? Is this another attempt to drive a wedge between my husband & myself?

So, this is my reason for keeping this blog. It's my own journal. One that maybe I'll let those closest to me see.

Brand New Day

2011-03-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

I was born today. Many years ago, but here I am, at work on my birthday. Doesn't really feel like my birthday. There hasn't been any cake. Remember when you were a kid and you lived for thos birthdays? God, all you could think about was how many presents you would get. I don't even remember a single present from any birthday. How pathetic. Do you remember a specific birthday present? Was there something you couldn't live without and you got it?

I'm sitting here really thinking and still coming up blank.

Anyway, I'm here and it's my birthday.